Thursday, December 1, 2011

Hello December


I'm not sure how happy I am about it. Snow looks to be in the air. Its just a Nebraska cold. What more can I say. I should expect this. It is December.

Wondered around Wal-mart for near an hour with Caleb. Guess he's shopping for you know who..who moved out, but they are still seeing each other. He ended up getting groceries. Its odd to see what a guy buys as in necessities. Like Kool-aid and juice. He swears he doesn't do booze, but I gotta wonder. Oh, and broccoli. Lots a broccoli. That is the only vegetable he'll eat.

I did get in an intense conversation with his significant other ..other night. It was kind of funny. She feels her Caleb is very Robert Pattinson. I never really thought of Caleb that way. Actually. I'm not sure if its the nose she's talking about or what. He's definitely not the Pattinson from the Twilight movies. The scruffy sort. His textures or quite manly and honestly you can just smell his essence. Or so she said, speaking so dreamily of him. God, she made him sound so sexy and well, Caleb and I go way back. Just friends. Best friends. Actually.

So yeah, I'm glad we can talk, or I just listened. She was smoking a bunch when she talked about how his quietness was so cute. But he needed to buy groceries and well, I had the car and I took him to get groceries. And as we walked down each isle, I'd catch a glimpse of him. Was he really so Robby Pattinson? Really. I mean if I were with him. Rob..Robert..whatever, he'd be Robby.

Yet, I don't have any pet names for Lars. Ever so often, he calls me babe. Like.."There's no milk in the fridge, Babe?" You know..kind of an after thought. Not that I've ever told him he couldn't say it. I mean, I like it. I do. I just can't think of saying something "Hun" or my "carebear" just yet.

I didn't speak of him dreamily, either when we were talking...or I was listening to Caleb's significant other gush about him. I mean, Lars and I did make love at every hotel, motel and even the resort that we stayed on our trip. It was like he was going for a record or something. I knew what that grin on his face meant. Not that he tore the place up. But, we did jump on that one bed to see how much umpth it had and laughed. Really, I love his soft laugh. Now, its more gratitude I feel than anything. If only, I'd enjoyed it then as I do now. Maybe I did. Maybe.

However, he will not sleep with the bedspread on the room's bed. He believes that's where the bed bugs hibernate. Then it would get cold and I'd have to snuggle more which meant something else entirely to him. And there we'd go again.

We did hang out with my cousins on the trip. It was good to know them so differently. I feel closer to my cousin's fiancee now. Too bad we can't go off with them in March on their cruise... they are getting married on. In fact, no family at all is going with them. Oddly, my cousin hates his father very much. His father is not a very nice guy, actually. They haven't spoken in years. Yet, here he is, so hopefully about marriage and everything. He's hardly known Gwen for six months. They met online and well, I guess it works.

While Lars and I have known each other as friends for an awful long time and then I thought he'd left for good, but there he the neighborhood. Still remember the feel of winter in the air when we met again, even if it was close to summer. Its felt like a rollercoaster with him. And I know he feels a little lost, no family, really. Not like I'm really expecting an engagement ring ..or anything.

I think of my one friend who's been fighting with her boyfriend forever, and she's expecting a promise ring from him, at Christmas. I just don't see it. Even if they do have a kid together. He doesn't hold her hand. Won't open the door for her. But, she's partly the blame. She was mean to him right after she got pregnant. Like she didn't need him. And she moved back home. Then after the baby was born, he found work around here and soon moved in. Now they have their own place. She asks me over, but I never go. I kind of knew what she needed me for. A babysitter. Call me selfish, but hey, I want to do things with Lars. And its not going drinking or anything.

I just like it when we can be calm and have the house to ourselves. Sometimes, he moves our stuff around for me in our tiny room to see if we can make the most of it. And it might work for a month or too and then we'll decide on it, another way.

Yes, we are full of cheap thrills.


  1. I'm sure you love Lars as much as she loves Caleb, but she just misses him.

    Happy December!!

  2. There does seem to be a little something missing when you talk about Lars. Am I reading to much into it?