Friday, November 18, 2011
notes to myself
Where did November go? It went by so fast.
OK, a major part of it, was like deep sea diving within myself to find something to write about for November novel month, but still....
I am on pins and needles. Lars and me on a trip together for my cousin's wedding. I mean, why couldn't we have flown? Seriously?
Mom and Dad decided to send us. Lars at first was hoping to see his little half brothers which aren't so little anymore. But his Mom was going with them to OHIO, anyway. So..so its just us. Alone in a little car. All the way to Denver and then to Tuscan. At this point, I've had some nightmare. Scary ones.
I know I have to see if we are made out for this. US.
I mean..so far so good. Its been an adventure. Since I have to admit its the last person I ever expected in my life. I keep thinking why couldn't it be like..well, I have a close friend who already has two kids now and she's one of those who compares every other guy to her husband. And well, she was skeptical about Lars at first.
She knew of my other so-called romances. And she's giving me her point of view how she thinks it'll go. As if I were in a horse race or something. She is sometime not that optimistic about me and Lars. Maybe its because I complain too much. I'm not really complaining. I just need someone to vent to. I guess. Is that so bad? Now I feel we can hardly talk. Especially, about Lars.
A part of me feels I'm kind of failure on so many lives. Like I'm not doing what my other friends are doing. You know, having kids. I mean, I'm not that old. But...
Now my cousin is getting married. And I gotta wonder if it'll last. Its like she wanted to get married before her brother did. Well, I'm thinking this now.
So yeah, I've got to get happy. And excited. Lars and I are doing something we've never done before. And it doesn't have anything to do with sex.
Posted by ellie at 2:38 AM