Friday, June 8, 2012

What a Girl Wants

OK, I must be stressing over nothing. I must be. After all...

1. Aidan has a girlfriend. She's in college. He's in college.
2. Why on earth would he see me anymore than that girl who lived all her life next door to him.
3. I'm like a little sister to him. Sort of. Ugh..I so hate that thought now.

So he has a laugh about what I told him. And he keeps smiling. It was almost like having a moment. Almost. I mean, I got this strange sensation that he might really have had the same dream I had. And that maybe..just maybe it was an out of body experience for him too.

I flick my hair behind my shoulder. I keep looking at him as if he really is important to me..because..well, he is.

I always felt safe around him. Even if he had a nifty nicotine habit all these years. Still, I'd linger when he'd drop me off at my school. He'd lite a cigarette after I would get out, just so he wasn't endangering me.

Of course, what if I was endangering him? What if I really had powers. Powers I should be afraid of. What if..I did turn him into some stead...and..and he didn't change back?

I'd feel so awful, you know. I don't want to have anything to do with that kind of power. I don't. I really wouldn't want to hurt Aidan.

This makes me so sad. I feel really ugly. And why..why did my mother name me Paris?

Oh sure, her favorite city in the world. Where is she now? Not here. She left Dad and me a long time ago. I hardly remember her. Dad won't speak of her.

This happy thought of Aidan is turning into a frown now. I do not want to be my mother. I couldn't dare to live with myself. Could I?

Suddenly, we are back to US. Me, hugging myself listening to the wonders of Marla, the accomplished artist. I wonder if its a competition sometimes? Two artists together? Could it be that perfect? I don't want it to be perfect.

As I watch Aidan pack his art supplies, I begin to wish it so. I've never done this before. Its never felt this strong before. But I do. Its as if I think it through like a daydream of some kind. That maybe things aren't so perfect between Aidan and Marla.