Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Wee Bit Wednesday

I've been spacing out. Yes, I will confess.

Part of it, has to do with trying to keep up with my own stories which I'm sure no one could careless about..but still..I can't help it. I did spend some of the afternoon with a guy who wants to make a movie. Its like he wants me to produce a script for him and some quickly commercial.

So, I'm meeting the old guy tomorrow about the script for his movie..which might turn out to be gay porn before its over with, for all I know. My friend from work told me to make sure I ask him of his expectations of me. I told her...What if he doesn't let me talk, at all? He does all the talking. Nonstop. Although, I might add, I tend to wonder if he looked a little bit like Kyle Gallner when he was younger. Hopefully, Kyle will never become him.

Anyway, I'm to set him straight, and stay my ground. If I don't want to do it...then don't. The thing is, he's been planning to write a mystery for about a decade now. He makes copies of things, to hold on to. I was amused to hear that he has an 8 millimeter camera and made a short long ago. So I have that to look forward too.

Work is semi OK. More like .eh...

I keep going with my story with Josie & Ian which is more of a triangle involving Derrick.
Of course, Ian would have a history with Derrick, who is in his own downward spiral.
Then Henry and all his problems with Derrick. Derrick is really turning out to be pretty much a prick in my stories.

Naturally, Derrick ..just can't be on the up and up ..with anyone.

I hate to admit this. I burned another pot yesterday. I should not cook. I just shouldn't. Because, of so much to do with traveling in the near future..I tend to suddenly get ideas for stories and scenes..and I want to write them..type them..which makes me forget everything else.

I'm sure Lars is at his wit ends with me. How does he put up with me?

Anyway, I scrubbed that burnt pot to the point of giving my fingers cuts. I do wonder if I was trying to hurt myself in the end.  I haven't really done anything like that in a very long time. While there are cutters out there wanting attention and to be above it all..I used to burn myself, intentionally when I was in middle school.

I dunno if I can explain the feeling. Exactly. A lot of it came from my mother making me feel I wasn't tough. Couldn't do enough. I wasn't good enough. But when its happening, its like being in a mesmerizing hypnotic state, perhaps.

Anyway, with the blacken pot. I knew I was in so much trouble. Especially, with Mom. Definitely, Dad. I just couldn't let another pot go to the dumpster. Its looks perfectly fine now...even if my thumb looks pretty wicked. I don't think anyone noticed at work.

Of course, I kept imagining..what if Lars and I have our own apartment and I forgot something like that..and burned down the whole apartment building?

Maybe, its just..I don't like change. Anyway, I will be working more hours this week. I will be ready for a vacation. I hope I'll let myself enjoy it.


  1. I hope you are feeling better.

  2. Sounds like you need to get a tattoo, it feels like having a match dragged across your skin to me.

  3. I've never been a cutter or a burner or anything - but I do rip off my own toe nails - so I guess that's a form of self harm...

    You do need a vacation! I hate when I feel like I have too many stories in my head and don't have the time or space to get them on paper/screen.

  4. I tend to burn things too :(

    I used to cut. or, gouge actually. I made a promise that I'd never do it again, and so I haven't. I'm really, really glad I made that promise :)

    I do hope you're okay. I read your stories :)

  5. Thanks, everyone for your sweet notes. I really appreciate it.