wee bit of wednesday with ellie

God, I made Dad so mad. He wouldn't even let me eat dinner at the table with him. I dunno why he was even mad. But when he gets this way, he gives everyone the silent treatment. He was mad about the bunnies in the garden, and then it all came back to me. Why we live here. Always something. I'm pretty sure it wasn't about Lars, who has been staying later and later, lately.

Dad was really nice to him when he was over at our BBQ, over the weekend. But my brother was here, too. And well, Lars and my brother really pal around. Dad made a pecan pie, which he never does. And on the most humid day too. It stuck to the pan. It was just a mes. But still good. He's so good at making you feel he's the only one who does anything around here.

I guess work is better. Although, I heard the system went down after I left other day. But I don't think it was me. I hope not. I'm learning to get the files done right the first time and creating reports. So really, it hasn't been so bad.

I did spend money on a fan that isn't all that great. I'm settled on the old one. I have like 3 in my room. But only use the old one. I like the sound of it.

I had lunch with a friend and another. I kind of wished I hadn't gone because all they talked about was Reality TV.  I felt I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. And it made me see a whole different side of them. I didn't think they were that way. But, I won't hold it against them.

I also went to the mall with my friend a few days later. She wanted to see Thor. I realized I hadn't gone to that mall in years. And I don't know how to spend money on clothes, like she does. She's rather impulsive, and I think she feels she has to dress better than her sisters. She complained of her cousin from Seattle who wears her clothes too tight.  I couldn't help but smile, listening to her. The authority, I suppose. Lord knows, what she'd like to do to my wardrobe.

Pray for the people inside your head

for they won’t be there when you’re dead
muffled out and pushed back down
pushed back through the leafy ground-Johnny Flynn

Anyway, I did find a box of clothes in my closet that I forgot I had. It was like Christmas. Of course, some of those things I want to cut up and make other things out of. But it was very inspiring.

I also found a treasure at Border's sales Johnny Flynn's A Larum. I had been thinking of getting it for awhile. And there it was, at my fingertips. 40% off too. Just couldn't help myself. Of course, Lars and I had listened to The SMITH'S GREATEST HITS on the way there. Shhh...he doesn't want his guy friends to know (like my brother) that Lars likes The Smiths. Not sure I'm ready to share Johnny with him or not.

 

I am human and I need to be loved.-the smiths

You can just see the animal in him..in this one. Makes me think how Lars wishes he had a beard.

The wind is blowing like crazy at the moment. Only one squirrel left in the tree. The others moved on. I'm not sure who stayed behind. Exactly. The Momma or not. I know, what does it matter. Oh yeah, hahahaaa..Dad got a scare other night. A huge raccoon came into the yard. My dad was in the garage smoking a cigarette and he lets out a yelp. I guess the racoon was only a couple of feet from him. A co-worker told me an incident, a few months ago how a raccoon got in their house through the fire place. It was a pretty wild experience. I had seen two on my drive home from work one night, and I couldn't believe how huge they were in the middle of the road. They would have so hurt the car if I'd hit them. At first I thought it was a man of some kind crawling by. It freaked me. Then I saw a doe across the street in someone's yard just yesterday in the late afternoon. Yeap, we have lots of creatures from the forest hanging out in our neighborhood.

DREAM...

OK, I had sort of a Dr. Who like dream last night. I looked into the night sky and saw what I thought was a blimp. But the more I looked at it I realize it was a spaceship. Countries' spaceships in fact. At first I didn't get it. Then I noticed how these people like stars were watching me. They'd taken refuge somewhere far away to watch the world end. And I was still on earth because I didn't have the money to get away like those other people.

RANT....

I know it won't do much good. But, I did get 3rd place in a short story contest..which means..you're a loser..we might mention the title..and that's all you get. That's all you get.

I had worked hard trying to write something this person would be OK with. No sex. No controversy. I know, she definitely can't take any of my 'gay fiction'. That kind of thing. And then well..I get 3rd place. And my name misspelled. I knew I did not write the way this author likes things written. Its just not in me. I don't write cute. I try to write the voices that come to me. And what I feel is real. But at the moment, I'm feeling more depressed than ever. And it just makes getting 3rd place suck more.

I feel I'm always coming in last..in everything.


Anyway, I posted the story. Even made a banner. I'm trying to stay positive.

THE GREAT WIDE OPEN.