Saturday, March 12, 2011
All right, Rafe might have been dreamy, last night, perhaps in the wee hours of the morning, but Dil woke up extra early just so he could watch Cass sleep on the couch. Dil was like a hyena of some sort, circling his prey. Make that a jackal. He was hungry. So much, it made him wish Cass could just sleep with him once.
Really, Cass was quite beautiful. He was at such peace, on his side. The blanket barely covering him in his wife beater and gray track pants. Dil wanted him so bad. He could go back to his room and have some time alone with himself, but he couldn't. No, he liked creeping up on him and sliding behind Cass. Dil was just in his briefs. He edged up slowly almost breathing in his ear. Dil just smiled. This was right where he wanted to be. Now if only, something could really happen. Right here. Right now. Dil knew he could only dream about it. All the ways he could have Cass. Preferable naked for starters. Dil could dream, couldn't he? He just wanted to breathe him in. It would be so slow. Nobody would get hurt. It would be totally awesome.....
"JESUS CHRIST!" Cass came unwound from his peaceful sleep and stood there looking back at Dil as if it were worst, from before. "Keep the fuck away from me!" Cass scowled. "I don't want to hear it. I've heard it all before! I know what you are! You fucking homo!" Cass' eyes were squinted tight, but even in anger Dil found him so amazingly beautiful.
"What?" Dil was all Mr. Relaxed.
"You were disgusting! Don't ever put your fucking junk next to my buttocks, again, fuckwad!" Cass stomped off to the bathroom then to do his morning business and brush his teeth. Next thing Dil knew Cass was back to get on his sneakers.
He looked at the time. Then gave Dil a soured look as if he needed Dil to apologize, but Dil didn't want to. Then Dil saw what a huff Cass was in.
"All right, I'm sorry, I promise I won't ever do it again." Dil's eyes watered.
"It won't ever happen again because I'm not coming back!" Cass screamed back at him, grabbing his skateboard on the way. He was off to get the Whitfield kids sent to school then classes.
Dil watched him leave. It was after Cass slammed the door shut that Dil began to sob in his hands.
No way was Dil going to explain to anyone his actions. People might have thought he was a wild and crazy dude half the time, but really he wasn't. He found himself quite boring. Most people would. They did.
He lived in his uncle's old gas station as it was. There weren't even any gas pumps there, anymore. It was an old crappy place that had been there since the 50's. Now it was a crap hole that developers were so in hopes to get a hold of to make a parking lot. As of yet, Dil was holding his own in his man cave. He had a place to work on his cars and yeah, he could say it was pretty sweet. Maybe.
But it was a lonely life. It always had been. He'd been the offspring of a single Mom, who had a thing for truck-drivers. He hadn't seen her since his high school graduation, and he was pretty sure she was drunk then. Yeah, he was that kid all his relatives felt sorry for, and they knew he would never amount to much. Needless to say, he was doing his part to fit the bill. He didn't even have a real job. Just odd stuff that came up. Sometimes, he'd look in the mirror and wonder how in the hell he made it through the month? Usually, his uncle gave him enough to get by on. It wasn't much, but he managed. He supposed it could have been worse. He could be living on the streets.
Naturally, Dil undid everything Cass had tried to put some order too. He didn't like things clean. He wanted it a mess. It was like art. He thought. Confusion setting in. There was a beauty to the chaos. Of course, it would have been nice if some one figured out he was actually a genius. But he guess that might never happen. A lot of things might never happen. The more he thought about it now.
Nix him and Cass. He'd scratched that one off. He hoped he hadn't lost him forever. He'd give Cass some time to cool off. Surely, he'd be around for something. And Rafe. He found himself laughing about that now. The dude was so shit faced. If only Cass hadn't been around, God knows what might have happened.
It was enough to keep him smiling. Didn't know why he'd even smile now because soon enough, he wouldn't be smiling, but thinking just how miserable his life really was. It was coming. It would be here in a few hours or even a few minutes. Sadness would sweep him up, and he'd be crying like a baby, hugging his pillow wishing he could choke on some pills or something.
His stomach roared with hunger pains, but he didn't pay it any mind. He turned on the TV and sat there just in his briefs watching some talk show he couldn't make heads or tails out of. He heard a bang on the door. But he figured it was somebody telling him he needed to move. But someone kept banging on the door. Maybe it was Cass. But he knew he was probably at cooking class or at the Whitfields. He was on a tight schedule. Of course, it was the middle of the afternoon. Perhaps.
Dil finally got up to see who it was. It was Rafe.
Dil half smiled as he looked at him. It was really a surprise.
"You knew where I lived?" That was a shock. Dil blinked.
"Don't you remember, you helped me with that car I could never get running at the shop," Rafe nodded.
"Oh, that." Dil winced. It all blended together after awhile. He was there for a lot of stuff he chose to forget because he didn't think it was worth remembering.
"Yeah, and we had to come back here and get some tools." Rafe told him as he came in. "So what are you doing?"
"Nothing." Dil scowled.
"You want to get something to eat with me?" Rafe asked. He was all sincere. Dil wanted to tell him, no. Feeling it was best not to do these sort of things with him because he'd be wanting more than just this out of the blue moments.
"Yeah." Dil smirked. He stood there looking at Rafe.
"Well, you can't go, looking like that." Rafe told him.
"All right." Dil just nodded, looking in the floor then for something to put on his scrawny body.
"You're not on meth or anything, are you?" Rafe grabbed him by the face then and looked him right in the eye.
Dill stood still. This was making him a little nervous.
"I knew this dude on speed. He never got fat." Rafe informed him.
"I'm not on speed. All right." Dil gritted then, wishing Rafe would let go of his face. But as it was he kept looking at him, and Dil was on the brink of caving in. This was so not fair. So not the way he expected. Having Rafe's hands across his face. His thumbs just below the whites of his eyes.
Rafe kissed him.
Posted by ellie at 8:50 AM