Tuesday, November 30, 2010

just hanging out

 here is more from my very raw novel I wrote this month for the nanowrimo project...

Derrick was happy once all the monitors were gone. He knew he was fine. Why was he stuck here at the hospital? He felt kind of guilty about it. Somebody probably needed this hospital bed. But he guessed his sister was probably asleep. She probably wouldn't come around until nine. She could spend hours babying her husband Elliot.

She had to make sure he had his big breakfast. Who cared if he was stuck with soggy oatmeal, thought Derrick. Everything was always for Elliot. He came first. He laid there uneasy then, thinking that had to be the reason she let her infant son stay with the baby's father, and not with her. Oh, she liked to say, they were fine, she and Elliot. But were they really fine. Maybe she didn't have that baby blues whatever they called it syndrome. Maybe she was just fine. Maybe she didn't need to be on antidepressants. Well, maybe she did. Maybe she really did miss baby Evan.

Amanda got to see him once a week at Eric and Syd's. Eric was Ian's older brother. Derrick slightly smiled. He guessed he and Ian were kind of related, but not really. After all, Amanda and Eric had had a fling in Rome. It actually sounded more romantic than it was. He was a camp counselor and she'd met up with him while she on tour with the University choir. It was nothing like Gossip Girl. Actually, Derrick couldn't even picture Amanda and Eric having a real conversation together.

That was the summer she left Kyle. Derrick always thought they'd be together. Amanda and Kyle had a baby together in high school. The weird thing was, Kyle was two years younger than Amanda and guess who was with the baby? Kyle.

Maybe if he'd known Elliot was messing around with Amanda before she broke up with Kyle, he would have kicked his butt. Yet, there she went off with Eric in Rome. And now there was Evan that she'd practically abandoned. What was wrong with his sister. Yeap, he had one messed up family, he guessed.

A dad he never saw who was a truck driver that lived most of his free time in Las Vegas. He doubted he'd hear from him now.

Suddenly, Derrick felt so cold. So alone. Was this all there was? Waiting for nothing? He drifted off finally asleep. He dreamed of Violet. He dreamed she smiled at him and danced with him in her room. Instead of a fire, there was a sea of white christmas lights hanging from the ceiling. It was kind silly he guessed, but it was the most beautiful room to him, and so was she. And she wanted to teach him the waltz.

When he awoke the big round nurse wanted to take his blood pressure. He felt as if he'd been ripped from his dream. Suddenly reality sank in. It was even seven an some woman police officer was there to question him about the fire.

"You look like all you could be good for nothing boy, that's trouble." The nurse grinned then as if they might cart him off to jail. Derrick thought he might choke. He stared at the nurse who's front tooth was gold. He felt a big squeamish as he stared at her. He then looked over at the lanky woman with the stringy blond hair. She was writing something in her notebook.

When Derrick pressed his lips tight then, he noticed how chapped his lips were. Suddenly, he felt in pain all over. Did they have to do this?

Naturally, she wanted the time of the incident.

How should he know, he thought.

"Sorry, didn't have my cell on." It was just a pay as you go phone, and when he used it, it was two buck taken off his account. It wasn't like he was the luckiest kid in the world who had everything given to him. He knew his sister thought different. Especially, when it came to all the guitars locked away, but he felt he'd earned those. It was different. But he could see the police officer thought he was just another white kid who had everything given to him, that he took for granted.

She went over about the issue in the room. The candle.

"There was just a fire. I-I smelled smoke." He didn't want to say he was just trying to get a look at her. It wasn't something he'd made a habit of. It wasn't like he was trying to sneak in and steal her undies to take home. He hoped he didn't have to take a liar's detection test. He was sure to lose. He thought he was breaking into a sweat already. "I-I was just walking by."

Thankfully, she didn't say, "You could have saved the father first." No, she just took notes.

God, he really hadn't planned on being a hero. He really didn't want to gloat. But then that came as she was done. "You did good kid, you did really good. I hope you remember that."

Derrick gave her a half wobbled smile. He just wanted out of here. When would he get out of here? He felt like he'd been in here forever.
And then came the rubbery scrambled eggs that tasted like nothing. But he ate, and pocketed the grape jelly he didn't use. He washed it all down with some weak coffee he could hardly stand. He hoped his sister came soon because the nurse told him he could leave when she got there.


  1. Thank you!
    But I think I won't be joining next year's NaNoWriMo because I'll be in school until mid December for exams.

    I think you're an amazing writer, too. You're definitely better than me when it comes to writing Young Adult fiction. As for me, I have to stick with the Fantasy genre; any other wouldn't work for me.

    And I salute you for being able to complete a 50000 word novel in just 20 days. I doubt that I could manage that myself.

  2. Thanks. I really wasn't sure I could do it. But I felt good to write that last sentence.

  3. Wow, December! I'm glad you posted this part.

  4. I'm pretty sure it felt good to write that last sentence. You did a good job; give yourself a pat on the back!
    I've started to read your postings here, and I'm impressed. Even with my 29000 words, mine was pretty sucky. Yours is definitely a lot better than what I came up with. =)

  5. hahaha..I envy what you write. I really do. You are so cool with your descriptions and the actions you put in your scenes. You underestimate yourself.

  6. Thanks ... I hope I don't have to rewrite again; I'm getting kind of sick of it.
    Chapter Four is currently one of my favorites. =)