ellie's desk

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-03-14T01:43:00.037-05:00

The lovely NEW YORK DOLL Tagged me..so here goes...

RULES:

1. Each person must post eleven things about themselves on their blog

2. Answer the questions the tagger has set for you plus create eleven questions for the people you tag to answer

3. Choose eleven people and link them in your post(I'm afraid I won't be doing this. If you want to do blog this..then, please, do.)

4. Go to their page and tell them

5. No tag backs

6. You legitimately have to tag

11 things you didn't know about me:

1. I have an obession for Degrassi. I dunno why I like it. Although, it just inspires me to write fan fic for the most part.

They are on the same TV show and never have a scene together.

2. I love crackships. This means getting an idea of seeing a character or an actor with perhaps a character of another show. Or some pop idol with some character or actor. So many possibilities. Anyway, I never know who or what it might be. Everything inspires me when it comes to writing, for the most part.

3. Architecture in Helsinki, Someone loves you Boris Yeltsin, Vivian Girls, and even One Direction are my musical loves at the moment.

Some days I want to write something like this...

Other days, movies like NOWHERE inspire me to want to write something with more grit.

4. If I could be a novelist or script writer I would

5. I use to go to school with my significant other.

6. I would love to have my own place.

7. I am hopefully going to have fun this summer with Lars.

“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.”

—	Zooey Deschanel

8. Zooey Deshchanel is one of my style/beauty icons

Thank God! For Daryl!

9. I just watched The Walking Dead and hated to see two of my favorite characters killed off.

10. I am kind of giddy, forgetful and hate wearing a bra (which I sometimes forget where I put it, but usually, I find it, or Lars does... before I go to work.)

11. Hearing people say upsetting things about people that are not normal to them, really upsets me at work.

Answers:

1. Who is your role model, and why?

Laura Engalls Wilder. I feel she was very resourceful and I appreciate her books more now than I did when I was little, and she was short.

2. Where is your favourite place to be?

Anywhere with Lars, especially in the garden picking berries.

3. If you had £1000, what would you do with it?

Probably spend it in Europe or the UK.

4. What is your favourite make-up item that you own?

Moisturizer or lip balm. I don't wear much makeup.

5. What's one thing you love most about your bestfriend?

He's really a good listener and great team player.

6. Where would you most like to travel to in the world, and why?

I dunno. Where ever the wind might take me.

7. What's your favourite type of food?

a good grilled T-bone. Medium.

8. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Zoe.Grace.Keri.Imogene.Collette.Amber.Laney.Charlotte...oh, the list could go on..

9. What do you do when your home alone?

Usually, write.

10. What's your favourite day of the week, and why?

Friday, so I can catch up on shows I've recorded.

11. What's your favourite drink?

Summer Shanty

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-03-12T01:34:00.008-05:00

This is an actual indie film based on true events. Chad Michael Murray and Rupert Friend star in the film as well.

The story follows 19-year-old Renee (Kat Dennings) who has always loved fairy tales: the idea of a princess, a hero and a happily ever after. But Renee's life is that of a darker tale: she's a young woman battling addiction, depression and self-injury. In a creative blend of artistic fantasy balanced with harsh reality, the movie follows Renee on her courageous journey towards recovery.

Renee the movie.

Ben and Molly

2012-03-09T01:37:00.002-06:00

It didn't take much to talk Ben in to seeing Steve about a job. As it was, he'd done just about everything on a honey-do list that Molly's Mom had kept since 2010. Possibly, he cleaned the gutters, moved the fallen limbs from the tree out front and even made a new gate for the back yard..all to get in their good graces. But after awhile, he did it because Molly's folks had a place that was falling apart.

Granted, it was weird, yet not much different from being at home. Kind of. Only he wasn't having to take a foster kid here and there, nonstop on his visits home. True, it was good to get away from them. Of course, he got several guilt trips, threats and so on from his parents.

As it was, his mother gave him the ultimatum. He'd abandoned them, so therefore, he'd better not want anything from them. So then came the depression. This was not some sort of vacation. He supposed it was a choice and when Molly mentioned Steve's so called offer...what else was he going to do?

"I bet you could get on at the grocery store." Molly looked at him as if that wouldn't be so bad. He'd tried at the nearby computer security place, but they weren't hiring. He supposed that would have been too easy.

"I just need something ..so..so we can get out of here." He looked around her room now. He was getting pretty used to the bed. Although, it would have been nice to have some fun, all on their own. Which meant sex in the morning or practically anytime. Now, they were lucky if they could sneak in a pleasurable time at two in the morning which did nothing for either of their REM.

Of course, they'd bickered over who was going to hear them at ten at night when they first went to bed. It was something along the lines that her Dad's hearing was gone. And the TV was so loud, who was listening to them?

He won Molly over ever so often. But then it would go back to finding each other well after midnight. Not that he was timing it or had an alarm. There was no fixed science to their love life.

"Fine." Molly looked pissed though. "That'll mean we'll have to start...doing things with Steve and Evie." She scoffed.

"What is so bad about that?" He winced back. As if this was a holiday for him, being at her mother's beckoning call for groceries, to reaching for all those things she couldn't reach in the kitchen. They soon made up, and it was back to the daily rituals of sneaking some of their own passions at Molly's house.

"So how do you feel about working with flat screen TVs?" Steve asked when they met up for lunch the next day.

Just as Ben remembered, Steve was as slick as if he were ready to take on the world, ever so perfectly. His blond hair cropped nice. Actually, too good to be true. Ben knew how drunk he could get. Maybe things had changed.

"I dunno. I put in my parents and fixed it up to the cable." Ben shrugged as if it wasn't that difficult.

"We have troubles with TVs. They go out at the hotel. You know, you'd have to change them out. Clean the pool. A little touch up paint jobs. Maybe some grounds keeping. Whatever." Steve shrugged as they grabbed steak burritos at Taco Bell.

"I think I could do that." Ben nodded.

"Sweet." Steve nodded as he ate. "You got transportation?"

Ben told him he did.

"All righty then." Steve grinned. He was having troubles with his own truck. "Maybe I could catch a ride with you."

Ben thought now that might have been the only reason he got the job. Steve needed someone to take him to work.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-03-07T01:03:00.001-06:00

March has really been windy. But each day is warmer. So maybe the furnace will be off soon. I have Lars to keep me warm, so all is not lost. Of course, Apocalyptic days have been on my mind ever since the devastating tornadoes just went south of us, last week. So I've stocked up on water, jerky and nuts in the basement. Now we have to hide the food from Dad. When he gets on the computer, he can eat every nut insight. And this man loves his cashews.

March also means the Shamrock shake is back at MacDonalds. I had to have one, but then I could barely drink it. Why was I even looking forward to one of those. Perhaps I just need a mint shade of fingernail polish color, instead.

We did see Project X. If only it could have been Miles Tiller stirring up trouble the whole time, I might have liked it better. He's such a natural. I loved him as Willard in Footloose. However, I wasn't that happy with Project X.

Still can't get enough of I JUST WANT MY PANTS BACK. I love Jason. His life is so unpredictable. Talk about somebody who can get into some tricky situations. You keep thinking he might be totally boring if he ever does settle down with Jane.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-03-05T01:44:00.010-06:00

Young Harriet’s father sells her as a slave to settle his gambling debt with an eccentric Indian—and her story is just beginning. Part Huck Finn, part True Grit, (Torian Bellisario)Harriet’s story of her encounter with the dark and brutal history of the American West is a true original. When she escapes the strange mound-building obsession of her Pawnee captor, Harriet sets off on a trek to find her father, only to meet with ever-stranger characters and situations along the way. She befriends a Jewish prairie peddler, escapes with a chanteuse, is imprisoned in a stockade and rescued by a Civil War balloonist, and becomes an accidental shopkeeper and the surrogate mother to an abandoned child, while abetting the escape of runaway slaves. Harriet finally finds love with Henry (Jackson Rathbone).

A picaresque in the American vein, Terese Svoboda’s new novel is the Bohemian answer to Willa Cather’s iconic My Ántonia. Lifting the shadows off an entire era of American history in one brave girl’s quest to discover who she is, Bohemian Girl gives full play to Svoboda’s prodigious talents for finding the dark and the strange in the sunny American story—and the beauty and the hope in its darkest moments.

Ben and Molly

2012-03-02T01:32:00.029-06:00

If only Molly could be as cool, calm and practically asleep...like Ben.

He needed a job. If he didn't have a job, how could he stay? She was in a tizzy, perhaps. A slow one at that. But she thought of it at work. Even at the grocery store. There was Steve, feeling avocados.

"Hey." She smiled, trying not to be that happy to see him, but it had been weeks since they'd talked.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He smiled at her. His blond hair was cropped back. He was always dandy for work. She noticed the bag of Huggies in his cart. She guessed Evie moved back. Perhaps was not the time to see if their were anything Ben might could find at the huge hotel where Steve worked.

"Well, uh.." She kept eying the Huggies. "See, you and Evie must be making a go of it, again." She gritted a smile. Evie was Steve's so called girlfriend and the mother of his child. He'd been crazy about her once, but she went a little evil on him, once Gavin was born. She gave him a black-eye. Went home to her parents.

"Yeah, her parents, are kind of pissed. She's not exactly happy with them." He shrugged, as if he didn't have a choice in the matter.

"And you make her happy?" Molly smiled with a shrug.

"Well...Gavin's walking." Steve was even lipped. "I feel like I missed out, on a lot."

"Ben moved in." She left out her parents' part.

"Really? Big Ben who broke up the dog fight at Rick's party, that one time?" He grinned as if he remembered it like yesterday. As of yet, Molly never heard that story. Was Ben that big?

"Uh..." Molly cleared her throat. "Ben Hanson?" She winced hard then.

"Yeah, that one. I remember when you two were together." He grinned then as if they'd always been a couple.

"Well.." She'd let that go. Let him think what he wanted. "Ben needs a job. Know of anything?"

"Maybe." He grinned as if he might take a roadtrip with Ben. "We are in dire need of handymen."

"Really?" Molly couldn't help but smile. She couldn't help but think her work was done about this situation of Ben's. She sighed. Molly just hoped Ben would go for it.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-02-29T01:41:00.013-06:00

Fat Rascals! Had these at work. Thanks to Presidents Day cookie exchange.

According to a co-worker, these were Teddy Roosevelt's favorite cookies. Low in sugar and in the great tea rooms of Britain.

Fat Rascals

225g of plain flour sifted (2 cups)
pinch of salt
4 ounces butter, softened (1/2 cup)
40g of caster sugar (3 1/2 TBS)
50g dried currants (1/3 cup)
50 - 75ml (2 to 3 fluid ounces) milk and water mixed
more caster sugar for dusting

Preheat the oven to 200*C/400*F/ gas mark 6. Butter a baking sheet and set it aside.

Sift the flour into a bowl. Stir in the salt. Drop in the butter, cut into bits. Rub it into the flour until it is all rubbed in and the mixture resembles bread crumbs. Stir in enough milk/water with a fork to give you a firm dough. Pat out on a lightly floured surface to 1/2 inch thickness. Cut into 3 inch rounds with a sharp round cutter. Place on the prepared baking tray. Dust lightly with caster sugar. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes until pale golden.

Remove from the oven and carefully lift onto a wire rack to cool completely before serving.

From The English Kitchen!

Food Me Omaha

ummmm...sweet potato fries.

We are trying to do more things as a group at work. Like Potlucks. Every great once in while, we go out for lunch. Try some of the local fare. So I mentioned to Caleb who lives next door to this bar and grill that we should get together. So we got together to go for some home style burgers. My brother's friend used to be a cook there. He went with us too.

Burger in a Bowl! Swiss cheese and mushrooms. My favorite.

Still damp and chilly about. Rainy. Hopefully, it won't turn to ice and snow, but that is usually our winter. A lot of cold and snow. Although, last night we were in a Tornado Watch. The Farmer's Almanac says we'll have lots of snow in March. I must be extra kind to Lars these days. The guy is working 6 days a week. Sunday is our FUN DAY.

song that fits you well

Favorite Character on Downton Abby: Daisy.

Yes, she is the lowest of them all, but I liked how far her character has came since the beginning of the show. You can't help but want more for her. Even if she were only married for 30 minutes. She's the cooks assistant.

song that fits you well

Sophie McShera got her start at 12 in the play production in London of "The Good-bye Girl". She was Ros McCain on Waterloo Road.

Rob James-Collier tumblr

Just what is Rob James-Collier's bad boy Thomas doing when he's not being a cad on Downton Abby? Hopefully, he's being sexy somewhere. He was the "stud" in SHAMELESS(UK version) and spent some time on Coronation Street honing in those acting skills. It was enough to award him several awards.

Rob James-Collier tumblr

Sexiest Male award at the 2007 and 2008 British Soap Awards in addition to "Best Exit" at the 2009 British Soap Awards. Also won Sexiest Male and Best Newcomer at the 2007 Inside Soap Awards.

Rob James-Collier tumblr

[on kissing Charlie Cox in Downton Abbey] "It's a dream job because it's completely the other side of the spectrum, particularly as it carries on. My character gets nastier." -Rob James-Collier

Wearing: Wet n' Wild's Megalast nail polish - THROUGH THE GRAPE FINE. Its a cheap thrill. But I love this color.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-02-27T01:26:00.040-06:00

In the fields of western New York State in the 1970s, a few dozen idealists set out to live off the land, founding what would become a commune centered on the grounds of a decaying mansion called Arcadia House. Arcadia follows this romantic, rollicking, and tragic utopian dream from its hopeful start through its heyday and after. Arcadia’s inhabitants include Handy(Paul Rudd), a musician and the group’s charismatic leader; Astrid(Lauren Graham), a midwife; Abe(Justin Theroux), a master carpenter; Hannah(Kathryn Hahn), a baker and historian; and Abe and Hannah’s only child, the book’s protagonist, Bit(Xavier Samuel ), who is born soon after the commune is created.

While Arcadia rises and falls, Bit, too, ages and changes. If he remains in love with the peaceful agrarian life in Arcadia and deeply attached to its residents—including Handy and Astrid’s lithe and deeply troubled daughter, Helle(Emily Browning)—how can Bit become his own man? How will he make his way through life and the world outside of Arcadia where he must eventually live?

A novel by Lauren Groff. With Arcadia, her first novel since her lauded debut, The Monsters of Templeton, Lauren Groff establishes herself not only as one of the most gifted young fiction writers at work today but also as one of our most accomplished literary artists.

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Ben and Molly

2012-02-24T01:06:00.068-06:00

If only he'd been a rocket scientist, this might be done already and Ben would be in bed with Molly right now. But as they say, Rome was not built in a day and how long did it take to find matching sheets for a regular sized bed?

Molly was stuck with her Mom in the linen closet, and he'd been wrestling the bed, mostly on his own. Her dad said his back was troubling him. So was Ben's, after all said and done.

It all started when he saw the mess in her room. He started carrying it to the livingroom in loads.

"Some of those clothes are clean!" Molly spoke up a little too late.

"Maybe you should wash them, again." Ben suggested. He hoped it sounded like a solution.

Of course, by the time he got her little slim twin sized bed cleared from the room, and all those heart shaped pillows of her's gathered in a trash bag, it was time to drive over to get the bed from the neighbor down the street. Molly said she'd help.

"Have your parents called?" She wanted to know on the ride over.

"I dunno." They had, but he wasn't answering.

"I bet they go GPS on you." Molly sounded so certain. Ben rolled his eyes.

Of course, Doris, her mother's best friend, had to feel his biceps once they arrieved. She was full of laughs.

"I bet he played football." Doris told her husband. She was more giddy than a teenager. It was a little embarrassing, but Ben managed the bed mostly on his own from the basement. Their son had left for California to be with his band.

Molly did try to help, he guessed. She was trying now with her mother. Ben could hear Molly trying to tell her Mom that white sheets were just fine. But her mother couldn't bare to part with their great grandmother's sheets. Finally, they'd settle with purple on bottom and pink on top.

"Its cold in that room." Her mother reminded her.

"I know, Mom. Its not gonna be a problem." Molly snapped.

It was well after midnight now. His cell was buzzing as he helped Molly dress the bed. Honestly, he didn't know what she was doing, but he tried as the elastic from the sheets kept fighting to not stay on.

"You better answer it." She looked at him. At least her mother wasn't watching them. Finally.

"OK." He clicked on to answer. "Mom, I'm all right. Just..just staying over at a friend's." He listened to her rant about how he wasn't being very thoughtful, lately. What had happened to him?

"A friend's house!" Molly was a bit peeved, maybe. She made a silly face.

"I'll tell them tomorrow." He reached for her across the bed and kissed her sweet lips. "I promise."

Just as they'd made the bed, with a butterfly comforter and all, Molly pulled the sheets back as if it were time to jump in. So he undressed as she pulled on some flannel bottoms and a pink tank top.

"Don't you think you're over dressed?" She looked as if she was getting ready for an emergency while he didn't have a problem shedding his clothes. The ice cold room was refreshing.

"This is what I sleep in." She looked a little timid.

"That's not what you had on the last time." He reminded her with an impish grin.

She gave him a glare. "Just turn off the light."

He did and she scrambled her clothes off.

"Well, I would have liked to seen that with the lights on." Ben told her. Their bodies almost entangled just as her mother opened the door a crack.

"How's the bed?" She wanted to know.

"Its..its great." Ben sighed as he hugged Molly close, close enough to be in the middle something in ten seconds.

"Mom, go to bed!" Molly ordered. Her mother shut the door tight.

"Does this mean, we're not doing it tonight?" As it was, all systems were go on his end.

"No."

"OK, No ..as in we are not doing it or No, as in... of course we are?" Ben needed some clarification, yet he planned to persuade her one way or another. Naturally, the bed had a tiny squeak. But not bad. It wasn't awful. Possibly, not perfect.

She pulled the sheets over her and was on top of him, planting a kiss on him which meant locking herself in place.

"Thank you." It felt lame to say, but he couldn't quite believe this was happening. His back ached between his shoulder blades, yet he wasn't going to dare let that stop the moment ahead.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-02-22T06:02:00.000-06:00

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.
I’ve been hit with your charm.
How could you do this to me?
I’m in love again.”

—	The Sugarcubes

It feels like spring. Almost. A bit of snow still about. Here and there. But not as cold. Or so I've grown to think.

“he knows how many freckles she’s got,
she scratches his beard”-The Sugarcubes

The boyfriend and I have noticed a lot of wines from Australia. Like rows and rows of it, on our little outing. Since our favorite bookstore has closed at the nearby shopping place, I'm afraid its driving us to drink. On the other hand, there is always Bob Marley's tea. Yes sir, it can put Lars to sleep in no time. Me, too. When it comes to wine, Alice Walker always pleases us.

Sorry for the Sugarcubes fix. But seriously, they've given us a rebirth of finding something we both love. The Sugarcubes!

she lives in this HOUSe over there has a WELL OUTSIDE iiiiit it’s crapples in the air with her fingers and her mouth shes five years old threads WORMS ON AS ADTRIIIIING keeps spiders in a pockeeet collects flowing in a JARRRRR grab horseflies and pinches them on a LAAAAAI AAGHAHAGRRGRRGHRH ARAHAHHARGRGGHHHHHHHEEEEEEYEIUUHHHH AARHRGRAGAHRGGHUUHH AAAHARHRAHGRHRGRGRGHUHHEEHHHHHHU she has one friend he livesn ext door there listing to the weathererrrr rose harmony freckles he’s got she’s gscratches his breard she’s painting HUGE BOOOOOKS and gllues tohem together they saw a BIG GREY BEERRNNN IT GLIDED DOWN THE SKY SHE TOSSED IT AGHAHRHARHAUUUGHGHGHHRR AAHARRRRHRHGHGHGHHRREEEEEEEEEUUUHHH AARARRGGRGHUUUOHHHHH AARARARRGGHHGGHHHGAAUUUHHHHOOOOHOHOOOooooh today is her birthdayayayyy theyre smoking cigars he’s got a chain of flowers and so uls that burned IN HER KNICKERS AARRGHAHGHUGUUGHGHHR AAURURGHGHGUARRGGHHAUEEEEEEEOOOHHH AAARRAAHRGRHRGUOHOHHHH ARRGRAGHAHGHGHGGHGHAREAHAHAHAHAHAAAARRRGH AHUuahuahuhhhh beur there smoking cigars they lie in the bathrub a chain of fffff flowers damdndanddumdudnadnadan dandnadn andandnadandnadnadnan dand and andan d andandandan dnada n
– Birthday, The Sugarcubes

allisbjork

Birthday!

LISTENING: The Sugar Cubes re-mix. Want a party on your adventure weekend? Add Bjork and the gang with their club sound to make everything better. From in the car, or have some fun in the bedroom...;).

tumblr sugarcubes

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-02-20T01:28:00.023-06:00

Daniel Handler aka Lemon Snicket is back about love and how it ends with his new novel WHY WE BROKE UP.

Min Green (Blaine Morris) and Ed Slaterton (Keir Gilchrist) are breaking up, so Min is writing Ed a letter and giving him a box. Inside the box is why they broke up. Two bottle caps, a movie ticket, a folded note, a box of matches, a protractor, books, a toy truck, a pair of ugly earrings, a comb from a motel room, and every other item collected over the course of a giddy, intimate, heartbreaking relationship. Item after item is illustrated and accounted for, and then the box, like a girlfriend, will be dumped.

I'm telling you why we broke up, Ed. I'm writing it in this letter, the whole truth of why it happened.-Min Green

Be sure to check out other break up stories and more about the book at WHY WE BROKE UP PROJECT.

Ben and Molly

2012-02-17T01:05:00.029-06:00

"He's having problems, Mom." Molly looked over her shoulder. Ben was being good on the couch playing with her fluffy orange tabby Tybalt. Although, the cat thought it was a fight and he was winning, clawing and biting at Ben's hand as he gave Tybalt a tummy rub. "At home."

"Oh? Like what?" She wanted to know as she was putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

"His family. You know, problems. They don't understand him. He doesn't..He doesn't like his major." Molly couldn't think of anything else to say about the matter.

"What's he gonna do?" She stared at him.

"I said he could stay, until he found something." Molly shrugged. "With me. It wouldn't be forever, or anything. You know, just for a little while."

"I see. But your bed isn't big enough for the two of you." She closed the dishwasher door.

Molly choked on a laugh. Was her mother really listening to her? Molly eyeballed her as she listened. "So? He can stay?"

"Your father really needs someone to clean the gutters. Could he do that?" She suggested.

"That's all he needs to do?" Molly hated to smile too much. Possibly, her mother drank too much wine at dinner. It didn't seem possible. Her Mom was always worried about her wear-about. She hated it, if Molly was out too late.

"At least I'll know where you are." She sighed. She didn't ask about marriage or anything else. "I'll talk to your father. Maybe I'll call my best friend Doris. They might have a bed you two could use."

Molly turned and went straight to the couch to save Ben from the cat.

"This is really weird." She glared at him. "But my Mom is OK with you moving in."

"Well, we're not in high school, anymore." His shrug was a playful smile. "Look, lets give it a week, and if its not gonna work..then..."

"You have to clean out the gutters. She's expecting you to clean out the gutters." Molly fessed up as she scooted the cat away and sat next to him, holding his hand. She looked at his big fingers as she felt the softness of his inner wrist next to hers. It was true happiness. It was. They hadn't even had sex, this time. "My room might get a make over too." She smiled brightly. Of course, she wasn't sure they could even get in to her bed with all her clothes on the floor.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-02-15T01:58:00.051-06:00

More Bohemian Girl thoughts: Funny, how this book has stuck with me, long after I read it. Not so much thinking of the story, but perhaps in perspective of my own life. I liked the idea how the story began and ended. Here was a wayward girl, left on her own in a nightmare on the prairie with an old Indian and his wives. And she carried a doll she'd made from a tree, but of course, it soon slipped from her fingers, too. As if it were a hope some day that she'd have her own child. Of course, soon after she is on the run, she ends up taking care of a real baby, but she never thought of him as her own, and yet he was all she had.

When I think of my own life, I remember how I thought I wanted a baby with my old boyfriend. Perhaps I liked the idea that he's part Native American, but actually, I've always wanted just one baby. Some day. Although, thankfully, I was smart enough, not too. He didn't want children, anyway. He still had drama with his old girlfriend. And she would always be there in his life. He was the one she ran too when ever trouble was around. Near the end, I think he did the things he did because he didn't think he was good enough for me. Or so he says now.

Yet, with that kind of baggage, what can I really give Lars? I do think he's endured so much. I think he'd make a good father too. Because, he's never really had one. Exactly. Its more like a long visit when his relatives are around. Its interesting how we can accept those things and go on. I don't think any of this has ever weighed him down.

Watching: THE VOW. It wasn't quite what I'd expected. It felt like watching a real relationship unfold. I guess what was the moment for me, was the fact, after the accident, he didn't exist in her world. She woke up thinking she was still in high school.

VALENTINES DAY: We stayed in. Lars was a bit feisty in the kitchen. I dunno what happened. But he thought I was cooking the steak all wrong. But in the end, it was just fine. Not over done. He liked it. He thought he cooked the asparagus perfectly. He would not shut up about it because evidently my asparagus is mushy.

GLEE makes Sam Larson's character rather Teen Jesus.

But it was a quiet night. Drank too much wine. Got Lars to sit through Glee with me. Yes, Sam Larson is finally on the show. His character is Joseph, a super religious home schooled sophomore. New Girl wasn't too bad. Although, we were busy doing something during a good portion of the show, then Lars went to sleep on me.Yet Raising Hope was better. And of course, I stayed up for Parenthood. Which had a few sweet moments. Max made a friend and Amber almost had sex with her boss.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-02-13T01:14:00.011-06:00

Make this Valentines day special!

Move over Edward from Twilight. There's a new vampire in town, and he's not afraid to wear pink!

Seventeen-year-old (Allie Grant) Alice Bonham's life feels out of control after she meets Jack (Harry Styles). With his fondness for pink Chuck Taylors and New Wave hits aside, Jack's unlike anyone she's ever met. Then she meets his brother, Peter (Shane Coffey). His eyes pierce through her, and she can barely breathe when he's around. Even though he can't stand the sight of her, she's drawn to him. But falling for two very different guys isn't even the worst of her problems. Jack and Peter are vampires, and Alice finds herself caught between love and her own blood...

Check out My Blood Approves. A novel by Amanda Hocking.

Ben and Molly

2012-02-10T01:04:00.047-06:00

Ben did not like what he saw.

It took him most of the week to get up the courage to find Molly at work. First he was going to play hard to get after he didn't hear from her. He could play that game. The more he waited, the madder he got. He wasn't exactly sure the reason why, but it was set in his mind. She was what he wanted.

His mother could talk his ear off if she wanted, yet he was not listening. Instead, he was thinking what to do. How he'd act if he saw Molly, again. How could he not over react?

When he saw how she smiled at that co-worker in the kitchen, from the empty dining area, he almost lost it.

"Excuse me," Ben said ever so quaintly when he peeked in from the kitchen door.

Of course, she looked at him as if he'd interrupted something while she was working with steaming trays of an apple cobbler and possibly mushy broccoli.

"What are you doing here?" She looked stunned.

"You work here?" First he was going to mention something about visiting a great aunt, but he came closer. Was it really her under that white hat and chef's jacket?

That impish smile of hers, got him every-time.

"When do you get off?" He wanted to know.

"Another two hours." She shrugged.

"I just dunno know.. if I can wait that long." He grinned as he came over and swept her off her feet.

"Ben!" Her little squeal didn't protest much. She looked to her partner and told him she needed to take five minutes, if she could. Molly took him to the freezer.

Naturally, Ben shivered in the cold and hugged her quick. Kissing her before she could fuss about it.

"Why didn't you take my calls?" He finally asked hugging her tight.

"I've been busy." She wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Is that really it?" He didn't believe her.

"I dunno." Suddenly, she seemed younger than he remembered. How could that be? He was remembering someone who knew what she wanted and could easily persuade him into anything.

"I want to come over tonight." He just said.

"And do what?" She rolled her eyes. "Talk like that, you sound like you could move in."

"And you find that funny?" His lips curled up at the corners. "Maybe your parents wouldn't care."

She pressed her lips tight. He wrestled his hands behind her.

"I'm gonna wait for you. We'll figure this out, because I'm not going anywhere."

"Uh-huh." She laughed at him as if this was the best joke he'd ever told.

"I'm not lying. I swear. We are gonna be together." Ben was serious. His tender shaved face grazed her cheek.

"But you have school." She whispered as if they might as well hog tie him at his parents house and drop him off at the University.

"There are online classes." Compromises. That's what it would take.

"And my parents would want a free-loader?" She pursed her lips so, as if he would live at her house and go to clown school.

"I have skills." He grinned.

She laughed. He hugged her harder to stay warmer. They kissed as if to rekindle a heat in the frost. It was definitely the start of something. And Ben really wanted to start something.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-02-08T04:34:00.002-06:00

Who you be really? He says in the wait, until he looks around for an answer from somebody else.

Nobody else is what he sees. A beaver of a badger at best, relocating themselves downriver.
I work at a word. Camphor, I say.
I have that, he laughs. That’s not your name.
I could read it on a box, when I could read, I say.
A reader, he hmmms. He begins to put out what he’s brought in his load. Well, missus Reader, this here is soap, this here is dry goods. I never met a lady who could resist dry goods, especially one in a bonnet on a hot day with nobody to talk to.-Bohemian Girl

READING: Bohemian Girl by Terese Svoboda. I absolutely love this book. Possibly, it has to do with the syntax of it, than anything else. Actually, its a very old story that happens in our area west of here on the praire back in the 1860's. Its about a girl who was given to an old Indian to pay her father's debt. We don't really know for sure if her name is Harriet, but decides to call her self this after losing a close friend Harriet that she met who was one of the Indian's slaves. Harriet killed herself with bad mushrooms. She'd been previously scalped by the Indians and left by her father on the prairie because he couldn't be reminded of the misery that happened there. Its a moving story and written by a Nebraska native that lives in New York City. The author was inspired by a Willa Cather quote, "You remember how her eyes used to snap when we called her the Bohemian Girl?"

IT SNOWED! Now its cold and a tad miserable. But its pretty, even if the snow is weighing down the trees. I hurt my ankle while shoveling snow Saturday. But I think it'll be OK.

We ate Burgers in a Bowl at Stella's. I like their waffle sweet potato fries, too. Good stuff. Lars has been eating pretty hearty lately. All that cold weather and being outside where he works. He's been snowblowing with my brother and that kind of thing. He goes to bed early. Its great cuddling weather.

WATCHING: I Just want my Pants Back. Hard to say if I really love it. Some very smart quips, yet..I don't think I'd ever really want to know people like that. I'm glad I don't. I'm thankful Lars is not that way. I guess we are not hipsters.

Honestly, I wanted those sideburns longer!

Woman in Black. Which I kept calling Lady in Black, evidently to annoy a co-worker, evidently. It is a good ghost story. And Daniel Radcliffe was amazing to watch on the screen.

LISTENING: Lana Del Rey. Saying that, I don't know if I like her as well as Florence or a few others that I've liked better. I'm not sure I get the hype. I'm not really in to that many women singers. I don't know exactly what that says about me.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-02-06T01:39:00.005-06:00

Luke (Blake Michael) and his twin sister Sera (India Eisley) have unusual abilities. Hers is a gift—she can heal with a touch of her hand. His is a curse—he can see the future but he can’t do anything about it. On a hike up the mountain, Luke has a vision unlike any other—one that leaves him terrified. Knowing that it will come true—and that he must do everything in his power to stop it—leaves his own future uncertain.

Down load J. Meyer's short story for FREE on your Kindle.

Ben and Molly

2012-02-03T01:03:00.089-06:00

"Hey, look what I found." Rocco flashed a grin. His teeth were perfectly straight. He handed over the Starbuck's gift card to Molly. "I'll never use it."

He was like that. Always brightening her day at work. Possibly, he was the best work husband in the world. That's what he was. Molly knew. They got a long, so well. She felt as if she knew his dog Ollie that he talked of a lot, and his sister's kids. He really was a regular kind of guy, even if he looked as if he could make an exquisite Italian lover, if ever given a chance.

Although, Molly knew she'd never know him, that way. It might mess up this. What they had going here, in the kitchen. Honestly, he made her day by his presence. She only wished she could be the friend he really deserved.

Sure, she listened. How his blond lab was on a diet. How Ollie got in a fight with a German Shepard and won. Even though, Rocco wished his friend's dog liked Ollie. He didn't want Ollie getting a bad reputation.

She slipped the gift card in her back pocket, as she tended to chopping up some carrots and celery for soup stock.

"Anything interesting about your holidays?" Rocco asked as he was getting dried pots and pans in their place in the bare white kitchen. It was bright and clean, all around. They were in white as if they were ready to do surgery on dinner.

"Oh..." She could have mentioned Ben, but she didn't. As it was, she'd been avoiding her phone, thinking why bother. He probably wouldn't call. And what if..what if it was only going to be these little one nighters with him? Well, the duration wasn't exactly small. Were things really any better between them? Possibly, she was reading too much into the situation. Still, she thought Ben's lips were sexy, and she wished for his gray blue eyes to gaze at her. This instant. All though, she didn't feel beautiful at the moment. "You know..." She gave Rocco a quick smile.

"No, I don't know. Exactly. I mean, you listen to me, go on about my dog. You probably think I have a thing for my dog." He shrugged.

"Well, you are sleeping with her." She smirked as she scrapped the veggies into the boiling vat.

Rocco rolled his eyes. "True, Ollie makes a good bed partner." He grinned. "So much calmer in bed, than Lizzy ever was." He took the cutting board and knife she'd been using. He rinsed the residue and put it in the steal dishwasher.

Next they went to cut up chicken parts, removed the skins.

Molly tried her best to continue working. She guessed Rocco wasn't seeing anyone. His girlfriend for five years left him. Rocco was the kind who believed in lasting relationships. He'd known Lizzy since they were both 13. Now, he was going solo at 24. She wondered if he were really OK. Perhaps, it was best not to know everything about him.

Soon enough, he was talking about some band they should see, together. They should do something together. Even, go to the dog park with him and Ollie. Still, she never saw him after hours. She kept herself from seeing how good he might actually look in jeans and a real button down shirt. How beautiful he might be with his thick dark hair down. No, maybe she saw Rocco at his worst. His hair tied back, and in a hairnet. He certainly saw her, raw without make up, working up a sweat in her chief's hat. Perhaps it was good to keep it that way. Just friends. Sort of the way of keeping things with Ben. But that changed? Hadn't it?

Nothing really ever changed. Even if it did, maybe it was best not to notice.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-02-01T05:43:00.013-06:00

Oh! Its that month with hearts and everything red with sweet romantic movies! And candy. Heart shaped cookies. Usually, it means being snowed in, as well. But I dunno about this year. Its kind of freaky. All this warm weather in January. I have no idea what to expect this month. In all honesty, we do need the snow. But who knows, we might get a March blizzard that stays around until April. Still crocheting lots of circular scarves..maybe for gifts. I dunno. Lars is cooking more veggies when we cook. Seems, he isn't afraid of veggies, after all.

1.DVD on my watch list...

“Bad love letters beg for love back. Good love letters ask for nothing.”

—	Waiting for Forever

Waiting for Forever

Starring Rachel Blison, Tom Sturridger and Niki Blonsky. But I really want to see it because Nelson Franklin is in it.

A Hollywood-set romantic tale of a guy who is content to live his life without a job yet with the love of his life, a young actress.

2. Girl Crush! ...Sophie Wu from THE FADES, who was also in Kick-Ass, Tormented, and Wild Child.

3. Listening to Nouvelle Vogue's Guns of Brixton

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-01-30T01:35:00.003-06:00

Georgette Heyer's The Grand Sophy comes to the big screen!

Sophy (Georgia King) has an exotic pet, and spends her time shaking up the uptight gentleman (Tom Everett Scott) who will undoubtedly have his engagement to a listless fiancee broken (possibly against his will) so that he may be free to end the movie with the heroine. In addition, Sophy’s cousin Cecilia (Sophie Wu) falls in love with a handsome but socially unpromising poet (Ben Barnes) in a subplot which all but guarantees Wodehousian match making farce.

Ben Barnes is always charming! And oh, so eloquent!

Sophie Wu always a genuine surprise!

Ben and Molly

2012-01-27T01:04:00.047-06:00

Time. Time was slipping away. Ben knew it the moment he stepped out of that door. Molly didn't follow. She'd dismissed him as if they were just old school chums. Nothing more. Nothing less.

His heart felt as if it were about to explode. He waited. At least a minute or so, but thought it best to walk on. Of course, he regretted it very much because once he got back to his home there was a lot of explaining to do.

Ben listened to his worried mother. How she almost called the police. She should have. This lead to him being more disagreeable with her. All the while, he wanted to call, text Molly. Do something. But he was caught up in the house and the after math of Christmas. And what was he taking back to school with him?

There would be a new year. Would last year's old coat be enough? He half listened. Thinking of Molly. Wondering if she was mad at him. Or did she expect it? A one off.

What would he do? Write a letter. Send her a gift card? It was totally wrong.

"I dunno if..if want to go back. " He'd told his mom. She yelled at him about how ungrateful he was.

"What are you thinking of doing? Joining the army? Well, I don't think so." Her words carried with him through the day. He didn't want to talk to her. And they knew something was different. They didn't say it. But he had a feeling they knew.

Only, it didn't stop his mom from the endless list to do. He needed to take someone to dance class. This one needed new soccer shoes. He was needed. He was here.

Finally, he texted Molly, telling her he was sorry. Immediately, he thought she'd text back, but she didn't. And he felt bad, thinking she must have thought the worst. Thinking she was an after though,t now. Perhaps not even that.

If he took a second, he could remember her eyes, the way she looked at him. There were other parts, especially memorable. How her skin was so kissable. Strangely now, he thought of way her mouth moved and pressed against his. How she ate. That little smirk when he knew he got to her. He'd smile too. As if she was thinking about him. Right now.

Yet, the thunderstorm of home raged on, he couldn't get out of here fast enough. Suddenly, he had a new idea. He'd leave now. Something about his studies. A professor. Anything to get out of his family's grip. He knew he was suppose to enjoy his holiday break. But this was nothing like a holiday at his house.

He'd helped take the tree down. He'd helped with the roof drains.

"Come on, you have to let me go. Please?" Was that the magic word? Ben didn't leave anything unfinished.

Naturally, he had to wait after dinner to find out the verdict. He watched his parents talk among themselves. All the while he waited to hear from Molly. It was killing him, slowly. Just how was he going to make this work?

Another day past. Then another. It was worse than a bad case a flu.

Now Ben was beginning to think Molly was using him. She'd gotten what she wanted from him, evidently. Is that how it worked with modern girls these days? She wasn't even a woman's study major. Just Fickle. Would she only respond if she felt like it?

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-01-25T05:22:00.001-06:00

I may break the rules on this one. Just answer DecoyBetty's questions. I don't know that many anymore to send this too. And I don't have time to fill out that many answers, either.

1. What motivates you? Creativity. Lars. Time. My Dad. Work. I dunno, sometimes.

Emmy Rossum on Shameless. I gotta watch it.

2. How do you like your tv series, on dvd for watching all at once or doled out once a week? Once a week is good. some shows I have to get on DVD. Still, I don't like watching them all at once. Maybe its a time issue.

3. True or False: they don't make boy bands like they used to. I dunno. They are finding new ways. Like UK's One Direction (from the X-Factor). America's Big Time Rush produced by Nick&Sony. Who saw that coming? But then again, I've never been that gaga over boy bands. I'm into indie stuff, like Modest Mouse, Acid House Kings.

4. What's the comfort food you go to when you need a pick me up? Sweet Potato chips, at the moment. I love them.

5. How would you spend your ideal day? Me. Alone. In my room on my laptop writing.

6. If there is something holding you back, what is it? Probably me, and my silly mind.

7. I just heard Sofia Vergara say that she is actually a blonde but dyes her hair brunette. When Ellen asked her who has fun blondes or brunettes Sofia responded "girls with bigger boobs." True or False? I dunno. Girls with bigger boobs are usually wishing they weren't so big, for various reasons.

8. Talk me through your next honeymoon. Wow, that would be a trip. I'd like to fly somewhere with Lars. See how it feel. How it is. But it would probably be a roadtrip, because he hates flying. We aren't the best travelers. Actually. I'm becoming to think we are homebodies. But it would great to go to Canada.

9. What are you jonesing for right now? (could be food, clothing item, a pair of shoes, whatever!). I was wanting moon boots for winter. But I can't seem to find any. And its turning out to be not so much snow this year, too. Really, I'm trying not to buy anything this month.
“Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets.”

—	Roald Dahl

10. What's your favourite Roald Dahl book? James and the Giant Peach.
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”

—	Roald Dahl

11. What sound is the most annoying to you? The alarm clock

FYI-“During the manufacturing process, the tampons were contaminated with the bacterium Enterobacter sakazakii, which can cause UTIs, pelvic inflammatory disease, and potentially life-threatening vaginal infections.” Read more HERE.

Jean with Uggy who stole the show!

We went to see The Artist. We loved it. Even Lars did, too. It was such a simple story, but done so well. And I love Jean Dujardin now!

Last but not least..my brother got a dog. And he says its not a pit bull, but it might be. She's 90 pounds, and she's very obedient. And she sleeps with him. It was confusing when he first told me about her on the phone. Mom thought she was his new girlfriend.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-01-23T14:07:00.001-06:00

Alex Arnold stars with Timo Descamps.

Of course, they get off on the wrong foot when Hans (Timo Descamps) moves in with Jake's (Alex Arnold) family as part of Han's experience of living in America.

Timo Descamps as Hans

Jake considers himself cool and Hans is somehow cramping his style because all girls in the German foreign language club like to hear him speak. As it is, Jake's been the only boy in the club. Its like his fan club and no room for any other guys.

He starts to think he'll have to reinvent himself if he wants to be cool again. He seems to never get anything right, and has no idea his best friend Mandy would like to be more than friends, but she starts to think that Jake is madly in love with Hans, who of course, has his eye on someone else.

Its a comedy drama.

Laura Wiggins as Mandy

Ben and Molly

2012-01-20T01:04:00.057-06:00

Molly couldn't help but remember last night. The thought of touching the dark hairs on his ankles, his arms...she sighed deeply..even his chest. And Ben was still here. She made an effort to manage the sizzling bacon.

She looked back to see Ben watching her in her cashmere robe which she should probably not be cooking in, but she didn't want to look too miserable doing her morning routine.

"I can't believe you do this every morning for you parents." Ben looked at her as if she was their slave.

"I don't do it, every morning. Just on the weekends." Did he not get it? She lived under their roof. Rent free. There was a certain obligation. They were her parents.

Soon enough, her Dad drifted in when he smelled the bacon. But he didn't look all that surprised to see Ben in the kitchen.

"Well, well...how's life treating you, Ben?" Her father shook his hand.

Molly felt a tad woozy as if her Dad knew more than he was letting him on.

"Just..just great." Ben managed. That's when Molly noticed the stubble on his face glisten in the morning light. Suddenly, she wondered how many times he shaved a day. And if he didn't? Could he possibly be a mountain man or maybe be in ZZ Tops?

Molly started the French toast while her Dad and Ben talked about the weather, the university where Ben was attending. Suddenly, Molly felt sad. Ben would be going back. She'd be cooking in the kitchen at the nursing home. It would be a faded memory soon.

If she were lucky, just one more last goodbye. And the sex might be better. Maybe she'd understand his twists and turns. Yet all the while, she yearned to feel the weight of him. His skin next to hers.

"Well, don't let that burn, Honey." Her mother said which brought Molly back to the reality of it all. She quickly got the French toast out of the pan. Her mother turned to Ben. "How did you get here?" She winced at him. "I don't see your truck, anywhere, out front."

"I was just taking..a...walk." He grinned.

"I didn't even hear the doorbell." She looked at him as if that was odd.

"Maureen, you know how you are, when you sleep." Molly's dad chuckled.

"Well, I can certainly hear, you, snoring. That's probably why I couldn't hear the doorbell." She went to pour herself some coffee.

Molly breathed easy once, again. All was back to normal. She served breakfast and they talked about local football. And why in the world didn't Ben ever play football? Ben said his mother never would let him. Yes, here they were back to Ben's mother.

Molly could imagine the first dance would never be with the bride at their wedding. But Ben's mother. Suddenly, Molly was filled with disgust. She couldn't eat another bite. There would always be Ben's mother to contend with. Was she ready for someone like that?

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-01-18T00:00:00.014-06:00

Well...

My boss is off on her trip. And I get this feeling that one of my co-workers will feel..I'm not doing enough. Maybe I'm not. I'm trying. But we were closed yesterday because of the holiday, so that meant catching up on a lot of little stuff.

Still I find myself unsure of the huge trail to get through just to get the job done. At one time, it was only a couple of things to make sure to get done in the process. Now its from start to finish and a lot more to do. Lets just say, its easy to get lost in the ungodly long process of it. So there is stress. And I'm trying my best to be a part of the team. My other co-worker who I have to admit..if someone could be in charge..it should be her. And it doesn't have to do with who does their job best. But she is more of a leadership/team leader kind of person. Perky. You just have to stay nice around her. She has a way of keeping the peace and making you feel you are part of process too. And I like that. I appreciate it. Because I really don't want their to be tension.

PROTECT IP / SOPA Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo.

Complicated huh?

Black Bean Burger

Flafel

We've had snow, once again. A dry snow. Some cold. But it could be worse.

Lars took my vegan friend and me to a very late lunch at the vegetarian place. I had the veggie enchiladas. Roasted cauliflower. I was hoping from a better salsa, but in all it was good. And my friend was pleased.

"She doesn't get out much, does she?" He asked me later when we got home. Then he talked about me, and me and all my stories about this club and that bar.."You never talk about that stuff with me."

But those friends aren't around anymore. It was kind of a touchy subject. Then it was all.."What would they think now, if they knew you were with me?"

Shane Coffey, nice edition on the show, but I'd like to see him in something else.

Possibly, the only reason why I watch PLL

&Alex Nifong was on PLL as the blind guy.

I just smiled. Was he wanting to fight? We ate peanutbutter sandwiches and pickles, quietly. Kind of set through Pretty Little Liars. He still wonders while I watch the show. He thinks its pretty stupid, and the suspense is entirely lame. He might be right. Things got better after that.

I want to
You knew that I would want to
It makes me feel bad
But I've been waiting for a long time
I want to
Yes I've wanted to
Long before you
I want to
And I've been waiting for a long time

I want to
I always wanted to belong to
The freak scene
Or anyone who had set their mind to
Never follow suit again
Because they have to
I want to
I always wanted to belong to-radio dept.

Listening to Radio Dept. Can't get this song out of my head.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-01-16T03:54:00.014-06:00

They couldn't speak the same language. How in the world would they ever communicate? Little did Jenny know that Lyle didn't even speak much in his native tongue of French. No, she'd have to learn the language of love, from the foreign student she found staring at art in the student union building. She had no idea she'd be his muse for his next art project.

But there might be a problem when he moves in with her, and she thinks he only wants to come over to do his laundry.

Neils Schneider stars as Lyle and Abbie Cobb as Jenny.

Ben and Molly

2012-01-13T01:28:00.043-06:00

Ben wished he'd stayed asleep, but then, he wouldn't have had this moment with Molly, either..which was what he always wanted to wake up too.

Maybe, maybe if he were quick enough, he could go pee before anyone woke up.

"But.." Molly was wide-eyed now and she was not helping. He pressed his finger on her lips.

"Hold that thought." He whispered back. Ben made a mad dash, not even in his undies, to the bathroom. He hoped he remembered where the bathroom was. Of course, he thought it would take an eternity to pee. But it was the only noise he could hear in the house.

He smiled. He was going to get out of this alive. Not one bit of him would be scathed. What a happy thought. Of course, there was that matter about telling his parents where he'd been and what not. He sighed then thinking it was better to be at Molly's. He didn't want to go back.

Suddenly, he heard foot-steps creep along the hallway outside. He held his breath. Thank God, he was done with the toilet. Now was the moment to flush or not to flush. Perhaps, he'd let it alone. What if that 'but' Molly spoke of..was BUT DON'T FLUSH THE TOILET. He was going with that one.

He looked out the bathroom window thinking he could jump from here. No. Too high. And his clothes were missing. And..had he forgot it was winter, in spite of the so called warm temps. It wasn't that warm.

The footsteps past. Ben made a quick run to Molly's room at the end of the hall.

"So..so how..how are we gonna do this?" He asked as softly as he could.

"I went to make coffee." She said.

"That was you?" He winced. "Jesus, you scared me. And for no reason." He didn't mean to snap.

"Look, I have to make breakfast." She shrugged.

"So ..so the 'rents are still asleep?" He still kept his voice light.

"I guess." She shrugged.

"OK." He smiled. He quickly got dressed. He was staying. Staying for breakfast.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-01-11T01:10:00.005-06:00

1. I just heard the fabulous story from a little boy about his Siamese cat that ran away and meet a Maine Coon, evidently, on her adventure. Now she has a kitten. Just one kitten. She's been declawed and neutered since then. She still tries to get out, but her son Jasper is too scared to get out of the apartment. The boy really loves the WARRIORS cat series. We could have talked cat stories all afternoon long.

2. Listening: Bang Bang by Dalida.

Nicolas: Eating your cherry, Terry?
Francis: Cherries are too sweet.
Marie: Fudge is 17 times sweeter than cherries.

YES! I finally got my copy of Heartbeats! And its fantastic. I love how the movie was shot and I love the director, actor & writer Xavier Dolan. The movie is so quirky and unique..and French Canadian. And what a surprise the ending was. It has to by my new favorite film. Has to be. I love the performance of Niels Schneider too. He's so natural and true. The movie is broken up with scenes about young people talking about their relationship problems. While all along its a story about Frankie and Maria meeting Nico. And how they boy long for him, yet find him a mystery. And perhaps the duration of what ever it is between them takes its course.

Nicolas: You have a big bed, right?
Francis: Yeah, I have a big bed. You can sleep here, we'll just... We'll just squeeze in.
Nicolas: Thanks, man.
Marie: Shotgun the side.
Francis: I hate the middle, too.
Nicolas: No sweat. I like the middle.

3. We are a bit on the sickly side. Dunno what it is. Someone said, its the weather. But its been so nice. Yet, its making allergies rampant. One co-worker hasn't felt good in over a week. Her boyfriend is even worse. We'd all gone out for Mexican food Saturday night. We have friends that are leaving for their wedding/honeymoon. Hopefully, we didn't make them sick.

4. Work has had its ups and downs. It was good to talk to a co-worker to find out she's having the same problem I am with someone. So, I feel better. Sort of.

5. We moved our room around once, again. And its been nice getting in some late evening walks. Flurries tomorrow..they say.

6. I don't get the bathroom in THE NEW GIRL. Why a stall? Who has a bathroom like that at their place?

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-01-09T03:20:00.029-06:00

Joel Freckelton and Sarah Hyland in a psyduo-documentary. You won't know if its the real deal or not. It might be.

An indie film about modern romance in young Hollywood. Sarah got her big break in Modern Family. Joel is still waiting for his. He's been in bit parts. His biggest bit part, as of late, was probably in BAG OF BONES.

In the tradition of Paper Heart comes 3 Days with her. Joel opens up how he feels about living in Hollywood. How much peer pressure there is to party. He meets Sarah who knows the inside of such a life style with the Jenner kids and the like.

Will a romance bloom on camera? Or will it fizzle quick because Joel talked to much? Would it have been better if they'd met in Vancouver on a movie set in bitter winter? Maybe they'd be better off just texting.

Ben and Molly

2012-01-06T08:07:00.000-06:00

I'll be gone tomorrow
That's when you wake up
to tell me you don't want me..-acid house kings

Molly couldn't help but notice the dark hairs on Ben's ankles. Speaking of which, he was a lot hairier than she imagined. Not that he was Bigfoot. Although, his feet were big. He's sleeping body took most of the bed. It was hard to imagine she'd slept next to him in her very cold room.

It was kind of all so clumsy, she now thought as she looked around her room at the mess on the floor that was there long before Ben. Clothes on the floor. What was left of Christmas. And her parents didn't even know he was here. Well, at least not yet.

Still, it was kind of fuzzy how it all came about.

1. he did move his truck from the driveway. He'd been so excited. He was going to spend the night. In fact, he'd moved his car in the far corner of Wal-Greens' parking lot. She imagined his folks thinking he was suicidal now. His last stop. Over the counter drugs at Wal-Greens and then walked off into a snowy oblivion. But, there was no snow and he was very much here, a very hot body in her bed.

2. oh..his determination. "I want us to do this." He'd said ever so breathlessly, when he returned. Which was actually kind of a shock to Molly. Of course, she didn't ask what the matter was with him. She just went with it. It was not a time to question him. Because, it was like watching her very own movie unfold, and she was the co-star. They'd fumbled in the dark. Kissed as if it were the key to everything. And it was. He was so warm. She shivered even now thinking she couldn't dare live outside these covers.

3. when her parents came home, she felt his body shake with laughter, perhaps like a new move in his way of getting closer to her. There really was no place to hide. At least, no one came to check on her. Not that she had a lock on her door. Although, she wished she did. Especially, now.

Just what were they going to do?

It was all of 7:30. Her parents still snoozing. But not for long.

"Please..please..please.." Molly whispered in his ear. "You have to go.." But he didn't budge, except he put his arm around her, hugging her close.

She thought of what her Mom's reaction would be. Especially, her dad. They could be out in the cold. Right now. Molly bit her bottom lip. Why wasn't she thinking? Why wasn't he thinking? They weren't drunk. This was...Molly sighed.

She sank into his warmth. It was good here. It was. His whiskers rubbed against her. It was tantalizing. Was it going to happen again? Yes, it was. Like a last call, perhaps.

She kissed his lips like candy, even if it were full of his morning breath. Honestly, she thought this might be the last time. Well, the last time ..until next year..she guessed..with a smile.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2012-01-04T01:36:00.051-06:00

argh...its back to work. As usual.

Yes, we had a bit of a mini-vacation. Lounging about. I did not wear a bra all of New Years day and most of the second day too. (grins) Then it took both of us to locate one for Tuesday morning. I know, I should have scads of them, but there is only one I really like to wear to work. It isn't itchy or anything. And well, I do have to be in the comfort zone, especially, when I'm not all that sure what I'll be doing.

Usually, I'm doing stuff on the computer, but not always. Sometimes, I might as well be a bonified shelver from all the moving around of books, CDs, DVDs and the like. Then there is the work of cleaning these items in a machine. So each day is different. And well, I'm expected to drop what I'm suppose to be doing and go help, sometimes customer service. I never really know. So there goes the cool platforms I've been wanting at Target. Its best to wear something that feels as good as the PJs I have on right now. Dress too fancy and I'm sure to get a rip or something.

Lets see, I did get to catch up with one of my permanently bachelor friends. He loves books and movies. We like the same music too. Usually, I try to make him a mix, at Christmas. But I didn't this year. I've found that he's been avoiding me. Yet, we chatted on the night I worked and everything is the same with him.

PPL is back!

I did get to have lunch with the friend who always makes plans with me, but never comes through. Still, she won't talk about the guy she's seeing. Evidently, its hush hush..just because at the Catholic school where she teaches ..its the ultimate sin to be seen with a divorced man. Really weird. But its a small town, and I guess those things still exist.

We talked about all the friends we never see anymore. The ones who moved away. One friend moved in with her brother in another state and we didn't hear from her in the longest time, but seems she met someone in the military, so all is well now. Evidently.

Lars and I did go to a birthday party on New Year's Eve. It was for a three year old. He just turned three. It was my friend's nephew. Its the one who's the parents can't stand each other. But they did get engaged. Maybe they are working it out. Anyway, lots of pizza and fun games at the pizza place. A nice way to start the New Year. It felt good to be with Lars. Holding hands. You know, like we are on the same page, and we are really together.

I think my friend is OK with us. Not asking me all these questions about Lars. Constantly. And, I know she's still sort of in limbo, but she's been texting someone, so I think she's moving on too..after her breakup.

My brother started his New Year's out, sort of OK. Then his friend's wife picked him up. I'm sure he got drunk. His best friend gets so rowdy. Lars can't stand him. Then we both can't stand my brother when he's around him.

Anyway, a peaceful New Years around here.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2012-01-02T01:31:00.010-06:00

I'd love to see Matt Beard and Phoebe Tonkin in Stephanie Perkins' novel Lola and the Boy Next Door.

You can check out my review at Ivy's Closet.

Hello January

2012-01-01T09:56:00.001-06:00

Clearly? How could I? Well, it was more of a dare with a friend of mine. She'd teased me about him.

Honestly, I want to think of Robert Pattinson as not Robert Pattinson nor Edward from Twilight. Sort of like, not thinking of Lars from high school. Although, he was a very caring person, even then. Yet, I don't think he knew he was. And now, well..he's working harder than I've ever seen him work before. And sometimes, I wonder if he'll think less of me some day, because he worked so hard. I dunno. Maybe I'm over thinking it.

Sebastian Gregory

Jules and Josie

But...he does want us to find our own place. I think that's why he's working so hard. And I should work harder too. Although, I get to thinking about stories and well, possibly just entertain myself. I still have stories to write on Ellie, even if one of the main characters has been killed off. Unfortunately, there are some characters that come to the forefront to write about more. Possibly, Jules has taken over... a lot of those stories. Then there is the thought of Jules no longer being Sebastian Gregory, either. Who I wish would stick with acting, but I can see he will probably stick with the Veronicas as their drummer.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to writing stories about Jonah, Gilly and even Milo. But there is the tale of Olivia and Ravi on their honeymoon, too. Also, Roxie has to get used to the idea that her sister is now with her ex, Jared.

So anyway, I'm hoping 2012 brings a lot of creativity. Someone already wants me to get them a slouchy hat made for their sister. And hopefully, Lars and I will be moving out soon.

Ben and Molly

2011-12-31T02:51:00.077-06:00

But baby I got to know,
Why your love is a joke.
Don’t worry about things that doesn’t make sense,
Are we lovers or are we friends?
Let me know!
Do you want me to go,
I worry about you all the time,
I want to ask you,
Baby, are you mine?
-acid house kings

"Well, what are we waiting for?" He could have pondered that question. Only, Ben didn't want to. They were here and no one was home.

"Its not like they went on vacation or something, they'll be home, any minute." Molly told him as she unlocked the door. Of course, the first thing Ben spotted in the dark when they got to livingroom was the Christmas tree. The lights were on and, he couldn't help but grin. It was just the two of them. Alone.

"Where are the presents?" He asked. It was a lovely tree, even if it were artificial white. There were red apples on it and the light was so modern and delicate. Definitely, not kid proof, like the one back at his house.

"Why do you want to know?" Her grin was impish and for a moment he thought she'd been a very naughty girl. He pulled her close as she fell into him and he kissed her, ever so gently.

"Have you been a bad girl?" He whispered in her ear, and for a moment he wasn't sure if she'd let him kiss her. again.

"If you must know, my grandparents sent a check. Dad cashed it, handed me over a couple of hundred dollar bills, and I shopped." She looked up as him as if he might judge her.

"You shopped?" What was the fun in that? OK, he wasn't a girl, and he guessed he shouldn't have asked. His fingers were soon touching her hair. Perhaps he'd gotten his Christmas wish. Although, he didn't think he'd exactly wished on a star or anything. But, it was good to finally be alone with Molly. Honestly, he didn't think it might be possible. Not this Christmas, anyway. Actually, he'd been thinking on it for a couple of Christmases now. But the timing was all wrong. To hell with timing, he thought now as they kissed their way to the couch. There he thought would be a lovely place to let her know, he hadn't forgotten to get her anything for Christmas.

He pulled the locket from his pocket. It was a heart. He bought it actually for Valentines day since he wasn't exactly banking on Christmas happening.

"See, you didn't think I'd get you anything, did you?" He dangled it in the Christmas light. Soon she held it in her hand for a closer look. Her smile was shy and she didn't say anything.

"You know, I love the CD mixes. I always do. Every one of them. I play a new one, each month." He told her it was kind of like a calender of music. "I start to think, what were you were doing when you made that mix for me. 12 songs for every month." He smiled with his arm around her. Suddenly, it felt as if all was right with the world.

Here he was with the girl he'd been thinking about. Yet, had never told her nearly as much as he wanted too. Was it too late to start? Are was the time right?

His lips touched the softness of her face and for a moment, he didn't know where he was. Didn't care what time it could be. This was the only place he wanted to be, with Molly.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-12-28T01:40:00.024-06:00

Christmas seemed like a long time ago...now.

1. We went to Missouri to see Lar's mother and her new family.
2. His new step-dad made something out of ever clear that now made the rest of Christmas day a little fuzzy to me.
3. My brother was drunk at dinner. Well, sort of. He was so loud. I feel bad for him that he's still a tad miserable without his girlfriend. Yet, I'm beginning to wonder if the drinking was one of the reasons why she left him. And Mom gave him booze for Christmas, and now she wished she hadn't.
4. Anyway, I did get some lovely things. Cologne from my brother. A watch from Lars. Even a ladybug timer to keep with me when I go to my laptop and I'm not in the kitchen while water might be boiling or something. Oh, and an electric teapot to keep in our room. Mom & Dad gave us cozy slippers. She got me some cool earmuff which are actually earphones. Kind of silly, but I'm kind of happy to have them too. And so incredibly thankful to get gift cards from co-workers. Now Lars and I can go to the movies!
5. The weather has been so mild this week. Uncanny, weather we are having for December. So we've taken some strolls and that's been awesome, being with Lars.
6. Went out for Chinese with Caleb and his girlfriend the day after Christmas. It was fun being out with friends and just talking.
7.Still have my doubts about seeing my friend who came in from out of town. She wants us to do stuff, but it always falls through.
8. Having to work extra hours. I know, I must be thankful that I can do that.
9.I had some back spasms for some odd reason. Really, I never have any back pain. Not like my Dad or my brother. Must have been in the car too long.
10. My Dad behaved himself this year.

Ben and Molly

2011-12-24T21:31:00.001-06:00

From a distance, he didn't look half bad. Like maybe he was worth it. Just maybe. Molly caught herself lingering by the new books at the library.

"Well, come on, we don't have all night." Ben motioned for her. They were here for DVDs, not to find the love connection.

Molly eye-balled him. He eye-balled her back.

"Remember, we are looking for Christmas movies or BOLT." He was serious. Even now. Why was family so important? Molly dragged herself away from the blond guy that she might have gone to high school with, she thought now.

Ben was home from college. Just an old friend, who texted her like mad for three days about all the things they'd do, but as it was, not a date yet. Only this last minute thing, getting movies at the library. Molly hugged herself. She bet he had someone back at the University. He liked to talk, but not about everything.

At the moment, she felt in limbo. Was this even worth the effort?

Oh, the excitement building. Ben coming home. She knew not to get her hopes up. He was a friend, always would be. But it would be nice if something clicked.

"Why are we looking for BOLT?" She got why about the Christmas movies. But BOLT? That was an animated kids' movie.

"Because, my grandmother loves that movie." Ben looked over at her, his lanky self had the poorest posture, but possibly that was a signal. Probably not. Molly was beginning to think, he wasn't anything like she remembered. Maybe she needed new glasses.

He was wearing his loyal high school purple hoodie, and his cargo shorts. He braved the cold while Molly wore a slouchy tam and a scarf with her blue plaid coat that matched her lite blue eyes. She even wore her snowboots, just in case a blizzard might happen.

Molly scanned the DVDs as she hugged herself. Waiting. Kind of annoyed. Why was it always like this?

She spent her days at a dining hall in a nursing home. It was pretty gray there. And she was saving up to go back to cooking school. She'd wanted to bartend but her parents wouldn't hear of it. She heard they made really good money. Her friend Steve said they were making more than he was at the motel where he worked.

That's what she needed to be focused on. Making more money.

She thought of all the things she could be talking to Ben about, but here they were in the library. Well, she was waiting. Perhaps something exciting might happen in the last fifteen minutes with Ben, while parked in the driveway.

Molly knew she was behind in life. Way behind. Some of her friends she'd gone to high school with were having their second kid. Some were already divorced. And here she was waiting for a little something to happen with Ben who couldn't decide between WHITE CHRISTMAS or CHRISTMAS IN CONNECTICUT.

"I'm gonna be Micky's best man. He's getting married in January." Ben finally said.

Molly needed to think who that was.

"Is he the one who's Dad went to jail?" Molly winced trying to remember what he looked like.

"I think so. But he went to jail too." Ben nodded.

"And you want to be his best man?" Molly shook her head.

"Well, no one else will do it. Its at that indoor water park." He licked his dry lips. No, she was sure that was not a signal for anything. She yawned.

"You could come." He shrugged.

"I dunno." Was he asking her out? A serious date. "I wouldn't have anything to wear."

"Its just casual." He was slumping more. Suddenly, she imagined him an old man. Would they still be having these long drawn out conversations about nothing? Still?

"I guess." She shrugged. She didn't really see it happening because a lot of things always fell through with Ben.

She thought of her mother and how she'd put the math together. "You'll be old and gray before you get him. He's a solo act, honey." She'd told her.

Now Molly looked up at Ben, not wanting to give up hope. But she might have too.

"You sure..there..there might be someone back at the University-"

"Who?" He laughed. "God, I can't believe you." He went to check out the five DVDs then with his mother's library card.

"Well, I dunno." Molly gave him a scowl as she stood there with him. Not that she wanted to mention last New Years when she got shitfaced and woke up the next morning with Joel from down the street who was just in town to meet some woman he'd met online. He was from out of state. It wasn't that she remembered much of what happened. But that was as good as it got last year.

"What are you trying to tell me? You've got a boyfriend, don't you?" Ben decided.

"No, I don't have a boyfriend." Molly rolled her eyes as they walked out into the cold. "I'm not seeing anyone." And that was the truth. Yet, there was Rocco who ran the dishwasher at work, and he was always leaving her little candies around and smiling as if she were the queen of the kitchen. And Steve who she usually bumped into once a week down at the grocery store. He was always happy to see her and she was glad he was there in produce to tell her what vegetables were best in season.

There was still Ben's Christmas gift to give him. 12 CD mixes. She saved them up. Each month she'd burn him one. Even if he had his trusty iPod, a fingers touch, for just about everything. And she'd made him a little pillow this year out of an old T-shirt from when they were in Blithe Spirit, along with a bag of his favorite mint candies. Of course, she wouldn't get a thing from him. She never did. Unless she counted the little teddy-bear he won at the county fair, a couple of years ago.

But now she'd made him mad. She didn't know why a lump pushed up in her throat so. For what? It wasn't worth it. How she'd wanted to see him. But this was the reality of it.

They climbed into the old pickup truck.

"I'm sorry, I like ..you..so much." She began. It was really a hard speech not quite developed. Just bits on her mind. She guessed. Molly wasn't sure she had the energy to get through it. A part of her wanted to get out of the truck and walk home. "Here." She didn't need to explain it. She gave him the little gift bag. All the CDs in artsy covers and little ribbons.

She pressed her lips tight. She doubted her breath was even minty fresh, anymore. And she really didn't care. He started up the truck and let it warm up. Naturally, he was quiet. Hardly a sigh from him. He stared at the bag.

Molly thought of the boy who loved her. Freddie. He'd gotten her fancy stockings for Christmas. It was kind of an odd gift. She was in eighth grade back then. His glasses were so Harry Potter, and his body quivered when he kissed her. She couldn't stand it. It was creepy. But she liked the gift. Possibly, the best gift she'd ever gotten from a guy.

Molly bit her upper lip. She was not a bad girl. Not really. On occasion she'd go to a party. Drink like everyone else. But usually, she was the one who helped clean up, afterwards. She watched life go by. Perhaps, she was hoping they'd get past this. The tension. The quiet times.

He drove toward the intersection. It was a green light but he hardly went. It was all so slow. She could be home in five minutes. But he didn't take a turn toward her street.

"Let me drop these DVDs off. Then..then we can go out." He said.

"OK." She liked the idea. She could sit right here while he went in. Keep the truck warming. But he turned off the engine. She didn't budge, but he came around and opened the door for her.

"It won't take but a minute." She didn't believe a word he said. Molly sat there as if he needed to fix the door or something. "You coming?"

"Oh." She cleared her throat. They didn't hold hands.

Of course, there were a houseful. His parents became foster parents after Ben and his sister went off to college. There were a lot of noisy kids. And everyone wanted BOLT. Naturally, they pulled Molly in more. There were sugar cookies. Had she seen the big sausage log that somebody gave his Dad from work. There was a cheese ball too. Wasn't she hungry?

Molly did her best to muster up a smile. They wanted her to take off her coat. Her hat, too.

"Oh, she's not dying her hair, anymore!" His mother got a laugh out of that. "She used to be so goth." His mother shook her head as she was telling who ever would listen, how Molly used to dress. "Black was her only color."

Suddenly, Molly felt so claustrophobic. There were too many kids. Just so many people. How could she get out of this? It was stifling in their house. They didn't keep the temperature down, like her parents. One wore a sweater to bed at her house.

Molly was losing her smile quick.

"I need to leave." She said near Ben, but he wasn't listening. She leaned in more. And then, he linked his pinky with hers. His smile didn't seem quite real.

"My Mom, can't stand you." He chuckled.

"Don't say that, Ben!" His mother was pointing her finger at him now. Evidently, there was a little wine or something in what they were drinking. "That's so not true."

"No, its true." Ben was smiling. "She keeps asking me if you have tattoos or any new piercings." He cracked into laughter.

Molly felt a little light headed. Maybe she'd have some cheese ball yet, even if she was trying to stop eating dairy.

"Come on, lets get out of here." He took her hand, leaving her coat and hat behind.

"But, but its so cold, outside." She grabbed her stuff on the way out.

"Lets go to your house." He decided.

"But I thought we were going out?" Molly scrunched a frown.

Ben was in a hurry now. He backed out of the driveway as if they needed to get out of town fast. Molly stared out of the passenger window wondering what Ben had in mind. Was he crazy? No, his mom was crazy. His mom could make anyone crazy, in fact. But he just left. Molly looked at Ben.

They'd never actually held hands. Until now. Well, they'd been close. Sort of. She guessed. But now it was as if she needed to read his mind. And she didn't know what he was thinking as he sped around corners and barreled into the empty driveway. No one was home at Molly's.

Monica and Jared

2011-12-24T02:13:00.001-06:00

There were just too many boxes to come home too. And it wouldn't do. It was as if her life had been on hiatus the last couple of months. Off with Jared in the wild blue yonder, out on the prairie of Canada watching a field mice of sorts in its habitats.

"I didn't think Canada had a prairie." Her brother still annoyed her with the idea that she must have gone to Paris or somewhere.

"Look, how many times have I told you." Monica was fierce. Christmas was coming and her brother didn't even care. He'd left the place in a mess and now he expected her to shape it up in time for a full course dinner and a tree and presents. "Shut up, already!" She eyeballed him, giving him a list of things to do. Why on earth had he chosen her room to store crap in.

"Because I didn't think you were coming back." He shrugged when she questioned him more of his tactics.

"Well, I'm back." It was just she and Jared hadn't decided where they'd live. They needed a place of their own. Yet the holidays were in the way. It just wasn't fair.

They'd done so well, to make out in the sticks. She'd taken photos of nature. They'd sled in the snow even cross-country skiing. Now she missed it. And to come home to this.

"I hate it here." She texted Jared, right away.

"You don't mean it." He texted right back because he knew how homesick she really was.

"Maybe, I've changed." Was her next text. Only he didn't text back. She could see it now. He was having a good laugh, now wasn't he?

Monica sighed. She felt as if she'd gone around in circles. But it was time to take out the trash. She pointed to the bags by the back door in the kitchen. She was needed here. Even if it was to bark orders to her brother.

I'm running back to you

2011-12-23T01:59:00.016-06:00

Marnie closed her eyes. He said she needed to think. She was. Although, Sebastian's directions weren't that specific. She detested that about him. And it made her bitter to think that's all she could imagine. Him, being so stubborn.

How could she stop it? Stop this madness from taking over her. It ruined everything. Didn't it? Her being so moody. No one liked her at school.

Marnie gritted hard as she kept her eyes closed. How could she ever change it? How? Was it possible.

She took in a deep breath. Piece by piece, she let the anger go. Perhaps.

When she opened her eyes, she was back at her old school. It was like a re-wind. A do over. There was the old hall. All the memorabilia from way back when. It felt good to be back. Yet, she felt so alone. Was it possible? Or just a dream?

Did she really have any power over this? Seriously?

She smiled as she looked around. There was Caity with her little circle of friends. Of course, Marnie was still the outsider. But then she saw him. The new guy at his locker. How could she forget his name? But she had. She really had.

Although, Marnie got this feeling, she knew him. She did. Although, she didn't know how, nor why. But this time, she couldn't let him down. She couldn't.

"So?" Oh, she hated introductions. Marnie really did. "I see you are..new." She held in a laugh. "Don't I know you?"

"I dunno, do you?" His impish grin slipped.

A burst of energy inside her made her smile more.

"Well, I know want to." Marnie told him. "I'm Marnie." She held out her hand, and when he his fingers touched hers, it was a shock of joy, anger, and of course, a sense what could happen. But, Marnie was determined to make it right this time.

"I'm Sebastian, happy to meet you." His gaze, enchanting and a new hope she'd never felt before.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-12-21T01:05:00.059-06:00

Where is the week going?

Well, I've been wrapping presents. Working on presents..and of course, work.

Mom, thought my brother was seeing someone new. She's very suspicious. But he swears he's not. Not that we had him swear on a bible or anything. As it is, we are dragging. Especially, Lars. According to him, I just think I am, but I'm really not.

We have been Christmas shopping, but actually not really shopping. He's the biggest procrastinator in the world. Snarling his nose up to this and that. Talk about BAH HUMBUG, well, somebody's almost got a bad case of it. Almost.

Dad is promising how good he's gonna be this Christmas. He has to go on with that story that starts.."Remember that one time..when I really upset your mother on Christmas morning..." And I eyeball him giving him a dreaded..Yes...

There are so many things I'd rather be doing, however, we did get the tree up last night. God, I wish I could be in this really sweet mood that all these different refreshing bloggers are, but no. I guess its me. I'm just not sold on Christmas.

I know its my own fault I didn't got to work Christmas party the night it snowed. And my fault again that I didn't go to the City party. But I had been working a really long day. And, I didn't really want to have lunch with my supervisor. Fake. Fake. Fake. That's what it would have been.

We did go out with Caleb and friends over the weekend. It was cold. We stood a good thirty minutes out in the cold just to go to OLD CHICAGO. I got to chat with my brother who didn't bring a date but we shared a pizza while Lars ate a cheese burger. I told him all about my friend who is vegan. Wondering what she would have eaten here. Definitely not our pizza. My brother loves meat.

I have seen the two movies I've wanted to see now. The Descendents and Young Adult. I might see WAR HORSE. Hopefully.

So my room is a mess once again. We just throw everything off the bed and go to sleep at night. Lars wants it so cold in our room And it is uber cold. Thank got he's HOT. He does keep the bed war. Brrrrr.. Even now I'd love it if he'd wrap his arms around me, but he's working. And I need to work on a circular scarf.

We did miss out on the last blizzard. It went South of us and then its going East.

Here's a favorite recipe in our region. Good old buckeyes....

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups peanut butter
1 cup butter, softened
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
6 cups confectioners' sugar
4 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Directions

In a large bowl, mix together the peanut butter, butter, vanilla and confectioners' sugar. The dough will look dry. Roll into 1 inch balls and place on a waxed paper-lined cookie sheet.
Press a toothpick into the top of each ball (to be used later as the handle for dipping) and chill in freezer until firm, about 30 minutes.
Melt chocolate chips in a double boiler or in a bowl set over a pan of barely simmering water. Stir frequently until smooth.
Dip frozen peanut butter balls in chocolate holding onto the toothpick. Leave a small portion of peanut butter showing at the top to make them look like Buckeyes. Put back on the cookie sheet and refrigerate until serving.

I hope they hook up! And he takes her back to live with his tribe. One of the many reasons why I watch HELL ON WHEELS.

“‘I can kill five of ya.’ ‘Ya hear that. He ain’t fully loaded. He got only six bullets.’ ‘Oh, I got six bullets. I was just gonna shoot you twice.’”

—

Bohannan Hell on Wheels

Fill in the blank Friday

2011-12-16T07:32:00.001-06:00

1. My most favorite "little thing" is Listening to Sufjan Stevens' Christmas music. I love his Star of Wonder & Did I make you cry on Christmas.

2. I'd give anything if Dad would stop being such a SCROOGE at Christmas.He had a major fit last night and so things aren't really encouraging. I was hoping he wouldn't be this way around Lars.

3. I can't believe that it's almost 2012. I wonder if I really accomplished anything? I've done my best to stay creative, but I'm sure that's not enough. I'm hoping next year will be better!

4. The one thing I'd like to achieve today is to get a crocheted slouchy hat to a volunteer that I work with.

5. The last thing I want to do today is clean the kitty litter box.

6. If I were writing my own blank today, it would say: What in the world can I get Lars for Christmas? I want it to be something he wants and not something lame like socks and undies, which is something I did get him because he needs them. I'm sure he'd be happy with a video game. I just wish I knew the exact one to get him. Guess I'll have to talk to my brother about that. Actually it would be great if we had our very own place would be the ULTIMATE Christmas present for both of us.

7. My favorite candle scent is Fresh Linens.

Guy's blondies with Dark roots

2011-12-13T15:55:00.000-06:00

If I make'm..its gotta be easy...

ngredients

3/4 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
1/2 cup chopped hazelnuts
1/4 cup sweetened coconut
1/2 cup dark chocolate, pieces or chips

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large mixing bowl, beat the butter with an electric hand mixer. When fluffy, add the brown sugar and beat them together for 3 to 4 minutes. Add the egg and vanilla and combine well.
In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the brown sugar mixture and combine until just incorporated. Fold in the cream cheese. Gently stir in the hazelnuts, coconut and chocolate and spread the batter into a lightly greased 8 by 8-inch glass pan. Bake until a toothpick comes out clean and sides just start to pull away from the edge of the pan, about 18 to 20 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool for 20 minutes before cutting.

hibernating times

2011-12-12T22:56:00.000-06:00

I feel as if everything is a little off balance at the moment. Its still cold, even if the snow did melt yesterday.

We had egg nog shakes at McDonalds, and I think they are better than last years. Of course, Lars even knew how to make them better. Just a hint of Dad's rum in mine, more in his. Yes, that's living the life.

Yesterday, we found my mom and dad on the floor by the TV. Mom thought the TV was broke and we'd have to get a new one. All you could get was snow on the screen. She even looked online for flat screens, and since all we've got is a the last of just big fat TV's..it seemed the right thing to do.

Anyway, Lars bent down and found the cable that was missing. Fixed in no time. Mom is pleased that is one less expense we have to worry about. I think of that grin on Lar's face. He coughed it off as if he knew he best not gloat about it.

We did watch BAG OF BONES. Not sure it exactly transcended all that well into a TV mini-series. But then it could have been me. Although, Lars wasn't that thrilled with it, either, after awhile.

On the other hand, neither of us can get enough of American Horror Story. What is it about that show?

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-12-07T01:15:00.002-06:00

CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE CANDY CANE BARS

Questions/things to share:

1. What is your favorite seasonal drink? It used to be egg nog, but now hot apple cidar.

2. What is your all time favorite Christmas movie? Just Friends. This movie always gives me a laugh!

3. Give us the rundown of your family celebrations {Christmas eve/Christmas day.}

It depends on the weather. One year, right before a snow storm hit, we had a twenty minute gift opening on Christmas Even afternoon then had Christmas dinner on Sunday. Its a small gathering compared to other peoples. My brother comes over and now my cousin and his fiancee live close by too. Usually, its pretty mundane. Although, if my grandpa was around we'd be drinking lots of intoxicating things.

4. Share an old and a new family tradition.

OLD: Mom would do the ADVENT with us when we were little. Counting down Christmas. We'd have a special day for cookie making. Another for making gingerbread houses. She used to let us make a mess and we loved it. We'd also go to Christmas eve church services too. And we would go on drives to see the Christmas lights.

NEW: Lar's put the Christmas tree together since my brother wasn't around to do it. Well, I helped. We put up the tree. And he got to see all the silly ornaments we've made over the years. And my Mom's cat ornaments. He talked about family. I'm glad he had his grandparents to spend Christmas with. I really think they made the holidays special for him. Hopefully, it'll be a good Christmas for him. I'm happy we got to spend some time in Tuscan together. Sometimes, I wonder how our Christmas would be without my parents around. Honestly, I think I would feel a lot different around him if it were just the two of us, and we weren't living with my parents.

5. What tops your tree? {Star, Angel, Bow- etc.}

Angel.

6. Do you prefer colored, white or LED lights?

Any lights would do.

7. Share a tasty holiday recipe.

Directions

Mix: Sift 3 1/2 cups flour, 1 teaspoon each baking soda and salt, 1 tablespoon ground ginger, 2 teaspoons cinnamon and 1/4 teaspoon each ground cloves and allspice into a bowl. In another bowl, mix 6 tablespoons melted butter, 1 tablespoon melted shortening, 2/3 cup light brown sugar and 3/4 cup molasses; beat in 1 egg with a mixer. Beat in the flour mixture in two additions. Divide the dough in half, wrap in plastic and pat to 1/2 inch thick. Chill 2 hours.

Cut: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. On a floured surface, roll out each piece of dough to 1/4 inch thick, dusting with flour, if needed. Cut into 3-to-5-inch gingerbread men and arrange 1 inch apart on parchment paper-lined baking sheets. Brush off excess flour and chill 15 minutes.

Bake: Bake until the cookies are golden around the edges, 10 to 12 minutes. Transfer to a rack and cool, then decorate with Royal Icing.

Royal Icing: Sift 2 tablespoons meringue powder (found in the baking aisle or at crafts stores) and 1 pound confectioners' sugar into a large bowl. Beat in 6 tablespoons water with a mixer until glossy with soft peaks. Tint with food coloring, if desired.

To Draw: Transfer the icing to a resealable plastic bag; snip the tip of one corner. For dots, hold the bag at a 90 degree angle. For outlines, hold it at a 45 degree angle. Pipe onto the cooled cookies.

To Fill: Draw an outline with the icing, then thin the icing with milk or water until it's the consistency of glue and spread inside the outline with a paintbrush.

Last but not least-

8. What does Christmas mean to you?

Giving back is always a gift that will keep giving. If you can't do that, be kind to others, and listen. You'll find the joys of Christmas..and the warmth of a happy home with family.

writing notes

2011-12-05T07:40:00.000-06:00

This is the first time I've done anything exactly like this in a story. Yes, I've written a few mystery stories. But this is about a character I've been writing about for some time now. She is like one of those friends, that I can't completely understand. She had her first child while in high school. Of course, writing in a story blog, which in a sense is more of a character study ..characters evolve.

It took me a while to wonder if I should kill a character off. Of course, it probably bothers me than it would anyone else. Although, this part of story is based sort of on something that did happen in my family. Yet, the players were very different. And she did try to run from him. He had one target in mind. The house had bullet holes. Everywhere. So I was writing a little close to home. The affects of that incident still are with us. It was a different scenario than the one I wrote about. Unfortunately, we have more and more shootings that happen in the home.

It was emotional to write about. Although, I'm not sure the reader will ever get that part of the story. Maybe.

Also, the holidays are a depressing part of the year for so many reasons that one might ponder..you must be joking.

Hello December

2011-12-01T13:14:00.001-06:00

Hmmmm....

I'm not sure how happy I am about it. Snow looks to be in the air. Its just a Nebraska cold. What more can I say. I should expect this. It is December.

Wondered around Wal-mart for near an hour with Caleb. Guess he's shopping for you know who..who moved out, but they are still seeing each other. He ended up getting groceries. Its odd to see what a guy buys as in necessities. Like Kool-aid and juice. He swears he doesn't do booze, but I gotta wonder. Oh, and broccoli. Lots a broccoli. That is the only vegetable he'll eat.

I did get in an intense conversation with his significant other ..other night. It was kind of funny. She feels her Caleb is very Robert Pattinson. I never really thought of Caleb that way. Actually. I'm not sure if its the nose she's talking about or what. He's definitely not the Pattinson from the Twilight movies. The scruffy sort. His textures or quite manly and honestly you can just smell his essence. Or so she said, speaking so dreamily of him. God, she made him sound so sexy and well, Caleb and I go way back. Just friends. Best friends. Actually.

So yeah, I'm glad we can talk, or I just listened. She was smoking a bunch when she talked about how his quietness was so cute. But he needed to buy groceries and well, I had the car and I took him to get groceries. And as we walked down each isle, I'd catch a glimpse of him. Was he really so Robby Pattinson? Really. I mean if I were with him. Rob..Robert..whatever, he'd be Robby.

Yet, I don't have any pet names for Lars. Ever so often, he calls me babe. Like.."There's no milk in the fridge, Babe?" You know..kind of an after thought. Not that I've ever told him he couldn't say it. I mean, I like it. I do. I just can't think of saying something ..like "Hun" or my "carebear" just yet.

I didn't speak of him dreamily, either when we were talking...or I was listening to Caleb's significant other gush about him. I mean, Lars and I did make love at every hotel, motel and even the resort that we stayed on our trip. It was like he was going for a record or something. I knew what that grin on his face meant. Not that he tore the place up. But, we did jump on that one bed to see how much umpth it had and laughed. Really, I love his soft laugh. Now, its more gratitude I feel than anything. If only, I'd enjoyed it then as I do now. Maybe I did. Maybe.

However, he will not sleep with the bedspread on the room's bed. He believes that's where the bed bugs hibernate. Then it would get cold and I'd have to snuggle more which meant something else entirely to him. And there we'd go again.

We did hang out with my cousins on the trip. It was good to know them so differently. I feel closer to my cousin's fiancee now. Too bad we can't go off with them in March on their cruise... they are getting married on. In fact, no family at all is going with them. Oddly, my cousin hates his father very much. His father is not a very nice guy, actually. They haven't spoken in years. Yet, here he is, so hopefully about marriage and everything. He's hardly known Gwen for six months. They met online and well, I guess it works.

While Lars and I have known each other as friends for an awful long time and then I thought he'd left for good, but there he was..in the neighborhood. Still remember the feel of winter in the air when we met again, even if it was close to summer. Its felt like a rollercoaster with him. And I know he feels a little lost, no family, really. Not like I'm really expecting an engagement ring ..or anything.

I think of my one friend who's been fighting with her boyfriend forever, and she's expecting a promise ring from him, at Christmas. I just don't see it. Even if they do have a kid together. He doesn't hold her hand. Won't open the door for her. But, she's partly the blame. She was mean to him right after she got pregnant. Like she didn't need him. And she moved back home. Then after the baby was born, he found work around here and soon moved in. Now they have their own place. She asks me over, but I never go. I kind of knew what she needed me for. A babysitter. Call me selfish, but hey, I want to do things with Lars. And its not going drinking or anything.

I just like it when we can be calm and have the house to ourselves. Sometimes, he moves our stuff around for me in our tiny room to see if we can make the most of it. And it might work for a month or too and then we'll decide on it, another way.

Yes, we are full of cheap thrills.

after all said and done

2011-11-28T14:08:00.000-06:00

For the most part...

Lars and I didn't get lost much. But there was that one time, I was pretty sure he dragged the bottom out of the car. That was scary. We do know that we definitely need a GPS now. Lars is very old school. He likes to look at the map while he drives. Not a good idea.

We did fall in love with Tusc0n. Actually, it was a bit of a chill when we were there, so we don't know just how hot it can get there. Our room was very expensive at the resort where my cousin was married. It was good to meet the groom. My cousin didn't have a wedding party since her best friend deployed a week before the wedding. So the groom didn't have a best man, either. Even so..after all the picture taking, well..he almost passed out.

And there were times, my cousin was so mad at him. But he's a pretty good guy and I know he loves her very much. They are really cute together.

I loved the street art in Tuscon.

Of course, I got plenty of questions..of when did I stop dying my hair black..from my grandmother I never see. They were a bit of a pain. I love them very much..still we didn't drive three days just to drive her and my grandfather everywhere. We so should have flown. My other cousin did with his girlfriend. It was good to hang out with them and find time to get beer and wine down off the mountain that didn't cost a fortune. Honestly, I do feel very close to them now and really would not mind going on a vacation with them.

Lars got along with my cousin too. They went to the driving range.

Anyway, we drove there in three days and drove back in two. Lars only had one incident that he went the wrong way, thankfully, nothing bad happened. However, we did see one car wreck on the way back in Kansas with left the interstate to a grind for about twenty minutes. Also, it was not a piece of cake driving through El Paso. We completely missed Thanksgiving. I feel a be wabbly still. I need more sleep.

Its waiting just on the outskirts of Las Cruces, NM

The novel is finished and validated. YEAH! Of course, I have no idea if its worth reading or not. Right now, I just want to rest. Hopefully, Lars is doing OK, too.

We did spend the night at a very cool place in Las Cruces. There was a big hot chili pepper in the parking lot. It was ran by an Australian man and his wife. They were very kind and generous. Everywhere we went to stay the nights there was free wi-fi, except at the resort. 12 bucks a day.

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notes to myself

2011-11-18T02:38:00.001-06:00

Where did November go? It went by so fast.

OK, a major part of it, was like deep sea diving within myself to find something to write about for November novel month, but still....

I am on pins and needles. Lars and me on a trip together for my cousin's wedding. I mean, why couldn't we have flown? Seriously?

Mom and Dad decided to send us. Lars at first was hoping to see his little half brothers which aren't so little anymore. But his Mom was going with them to OHIO, anyway. So..so its just us. Alone in a little car. All the way to Denver and then to Tuscan. At this point, I've had some nightmare. Scary ones.

I know I have to see if we are made out for this. US.

I mean..so far so good. Its been an adventure. Since I have to admit its the last person I ever expected in my life. I keep thinking why couldn't it be like..well, I have a close friend who already has two kids now and she's one of those who compares every other guy to her husband. And well, she was skeptical about Lars at first.

She knew of my other so-called romances. And she's giving me her point of view how she thinks it'll go. As if I were in a horse race or something. She is sometime not that optimistic about me and Lars. Maybe its because I complain too much. I'm not really complaining. I just need someone to vent to. I guess. Is that so bad? Now I feel we can hardly talk. Especially, about Lars.

A part of me feels I'm kind of failure on so many lives. Like I'm not doing what my other friends are doing. You know, having kids. I mean, I'm not that old. But...

Now my cousin is getting married. And I gotta wonder if it'll last. Its like she wanted to get married before her brother did. Well, I'm thinking this now.

So yeah, I've got to get happy. And excited. Lars and I are doing something we've never done before. And it doesn't have anything to do with sex.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-11-16T01:40:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling a bit of a panic.

Lars and I are going on our first major adventure together. I dunno why this worries me. Maybe its because I'll be away from the things I like to do. At home.

We will be traveling by car. I'm hoping we don't get lost. It is possible. I want to have faith in him. I need too.

Maybe that's why my boss and I have had kind of a chat about me and work. Not that I've done anything wrong. Other than say too much. I told her she made me feel stupid. Because, she's not on the up and up with me. She will say I should know these things when she's never informed me at all about certain projects we are working on.

Part of the time, we are good friends..and then, she turns on me and makes me feel I don't do anything. But I have a feeling I'm not the only one in this boat. This is just life at work. And with all the economy problems, more people get yelled at, at work too.

"Just two dudes playin word association games, kickin back with a couple of pumpkin ales." -new girl

I know I have to keep my mouth shut. But its so hard to do.

At least the novel is done..although, some where I probably need to add another 2 thousand words or so..just to be on the safe side when ever I get to load that novel up at Nanowrite more.

There are things I did like the novel..yet places it went..well, I think if I had more time I would have nurtured it more...and maybe not have thrown it in such strange directions.

If only I could have written something from a dream..

Perhaps as winter sets in, I usually have to write about more gritty things. Not exactly pulp fiction..but occasionally freaky things do happen in the story I like to write, and sometimes..a dark dream helps.

Anyway..I still want to see LIKE CRAZY. At this point I'll probably have to see it on video. I guess I'll have to watch the next installment of the Twilight movie, although, I really don't care much for the story, nor the actors..but still..just because...

I hate that about myself.

I did see IMMORTALS. It was so much better than I imagined.

I'm totally hooked on SECRET CIRCLE. Each episode just gets better..spoiler alert..I'm thinking now Cassie just had a moment with her half-brother. But of course, they didn't know they were half-siblings.

Last but not least..HELL ON WHEELS on AMC. I think I'll be tuning in to that show. There are no westerns..and its kind of cool to see one. This one is really cool too, and I really like the main character and the Native American guy in the top hat.

So back to Lars and me. I feel so sleepy around him. Is this a good sign or not. Well, we are busy. And I don't really get to see him until night. But its getting cold and he's a real body heater, and makes TV all the more relaxing. Although, I have been staying away from the TV for a while..writing and all, But its was pure happiness to be by his side to watch TV. A simple pleasure.

nanowrite more days

2011-11-14T02:25:00.038-06:00

I'm at the 40,000 mark now..and writing.

Of course, Lar's is a bit put off with me. I know there are things I should be doing, like laundry, the dishes, cooking. Lots of domestic things..and not spending enough time with him. He doesn't mean to pout. But it happens. And a part of me feels I've let him down too. I didn't mean too.

Oh..and I almost finished with the white crocheted hat for my cousin's wedding. I doubt she ever wears it. Like so many I've made hats for. Although, a co-worker at work wants me to make a slouch hat for her. So I'm pleased about that.

There is also the novel to think about. Funny, how it is a story of a girl who joins a band, perhaps she's running away from her old life. Yet, I had to bring that old life to the story, too. Its hard to say, just where the story fits in the scheme of things. But its a lot like life...light and darkness.

So..stringing the story along is not easy. Enter a would be rock star by way of being a teen sensation..Declan. Yes, I had to rely on what I see...with actors like Landon Liboiron who sing in their free-time which sort of inspired me, although, this Declan is kind of full of himself. Actually, I think its something that keeps him out of trouble.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

It was easy to see everyone was getting just a little stressed with the trip. It wasn’t that we were on the fanciest bus in the world. There was a place to sleep, a bathroom and a fridge. We weren’t exactly mega stars and we weren’t the only band on the bus. We picked up three guys out of Chicago on our way to Michigan.

Of course, I’d never heard of them. The others acted as it they’d done a show with them, last summer evidently. So they had a lot to talk about. Everything from what inspired them to who almost died of a heart failure on stage.

I listened wondering just what kind of crowd were these people. Rick and the guys were pretty much regular people to me. Not into drinking or pot, but they had everyday jobs, or at least were taking college classes.

“So, do you sing?” This tall lanky fellow Declan looked me over, knowing I was the new girl. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“No.” I shook my head, “I just, you know, set it up, break it down. Sound.” I shrugged.

“I think these guys should put YOU in the band.” He grinned. “You just might be the shot they need.”

“No, I don’t think so.” I shook my head. He didn’t even know me. We’d just met. Was he coming on to me? I went to check messages on my phone. Of course, I didn’t have any. Before I knew it, this guy with long ginger hair was sitting next to me. It was like I was his new best friend or something.

“So what do you do for fun?” He wanted to know.

I dug a paperback out of my backpack and put it in front of my face.

“Oh really.” He snatched the book from me and gave it a look over. It was just something to look through that I found at the thrift place. Declan started reading the back cover.

“I’m going to quiz you on this book.” He smirked.

“No, you’re not. I just got it.” OK, it was from my adventures back in South Dakota. I snatched it back. “I haven’t even read it.”

Suddenly, there was this fresh energy between us as if we’d always known each other. Like we were kindred spirits that found our way back to each other, after a very long journey. Except, this one was just starting.

“You’re so spunky.” He teased then, down right silly. “You’re like. Punky Brewster, remember that show? Just saw it other day on TV LAND. I think I’ll start calling you, Punky”

“You don’t even, know me.” I wrestled with the book which was actually an Anne Rule book that was nonfiction. Of course, I didn’t know that at the time when I picked it up.

“Yeah, but the thing is, I do want to know you.” He said so slyly, pulling the book back in his grasp.

I stared at his sincere blue eyes. I didn’t see this coming. But here we were killing time together. Instantly. I let him have the book then. I watched him open the book to the first page.

“Would you like me to read it to you?” He had to be teasing.

“No, that’s not necessary.” I sighed. Wishing, I didn’t want to get enough of him. But here he was, and I couldn’t ignore him.

He giggled slightly as his body edged closer to mind.

“Do you make out much?” His question caught me off guard as I almost winked with a smile. I didn’t mean too.

“Is that a trick question?” I couldn’t see there really being a right answer to the question. I was a little shocked, but then I got the impression that Declan enjoyed shocking people.

“What? That put you off?” His shoulder nudged mind.

“I just met you.” What was he getting at?

“But we’re friends, right?” His eyes kept staring at me as if he was taking me in to make some sort of assessment. I hadn’t a clue if I passed are failed with him.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I felt stuck. I didn’t see this happening. We weren’t even there yet and I felt as if this encounter which might have been all of five minutes had jumped into a relationship.

“What I’m getting at...” He wasn’t so persuasive in his bluntness. “I-I need someone to, you know, keep me from the party-life. I could do the same for you.”

I nodded. I guess I knew what he meant.

“That’s such a gentleman of you, to offer.” I remarked as if we might be playing some game instead.

“You really think I’m a gentleman?” He was being a bit silly. “OK, I am straight edge.”

“OK.” I didn’t know where this might be going, but here we were heading closer to our destination.

“I know, you don’t smoke.” Declan noted as he sniffed my hair. I really hadn’t been this close to anyone since Rene.

“Huh.” I hadn’t even thought about smoking.

“I think ...I think we could be good for each other.” His look was serious. No funny stuff.

I wanted to laugh. I looked at Rick. Wasn’t that what Rick and I were to each other?

“Sure.” I left it at that. I bit my bottom lips, wondering just what the benefits would be of our so-called friendship.

Soon enough, he went to sleep next to me in my bunk and I started to read this real-life crime book. Why in the world had I gotten this book?

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

“You know, this is the easiest day you’ll get in a very long time on this trip.” Declan finally awoke, and I wasn’t even aware he was talking to me.

“You’re kind of being a downer, right now.” I informed him.

“Not if you come over here, and kiss me.” He pursed his lips as if he had some long lost makeout session to makeup with me.

“How do I know, you’re even serious?” Now maybe I was being a tease, but before I could get that question answered, Rick interrupted.

“Hey, I need to talk to you,” Rick said. I looked up at him, but I guess it wasn’t in my bunk that he wanted to talk.

“What is it?” I wondered if I needed to be doing something at the moment. I was half way through this book I’d been reading.

“I dunno if I like what’s going on between you two.” His look was concerned and suddenly, I felt as if I’d done something really wrong.

“What do you mean?” I was sure Declan was all talk and nothing else.

“Are you aware, who you’re talking too?” He winced all serious.

“Evidently, not.” I’m sure what ever it was, Rick was right. I should listen. But this guy was in my bunk. How was I exactly to get Declan out of my bunk.

“He’s on a TV show.” Rick told me.

“What?” Somebody was really pulling my chain. I looked back at my bunk. There Declan was all comfortable reading my book. “What show?” I didn’t watch TV.

“Its some teen show. I think he was let go. He’s not completely popular, but he thinks he’s a rockstar too.” Rick told me.

“Does he?” I had no idea this was my first time to even meet the guy. Why was he even interested in me?

“The joke is on you. He’s fascinated that you didn’t recognize him.” Rick said in such a low voice. I blinked. I really was a sucker for a pretty boy, evidently. I bit my bottom lip, hoping I could stay just as aloof in this weird game I was playing with Declan. As it was, I was still going to act like he was nobody to me. Well, at least I’d try.

nanowritemoredays- Rick and Crystal

2011-11-07T01:41:00.005-06:00

OK, I'm up to 20,000 words and counting.

My novel is about a girl named Crystal. A white girl who lives on an Indian reservation. She hasn't had the easiest life. She's not even sure how she came about living there, actually. And her foster mom Marie has run out on her. Although, she has her Native American grandmother to count on and a so called 'brother' named Chance.

Unfortunately, the brother she's known all her life is suddenly in the downward spiral of things. He's a little out of control. And Crystal finds herself running away. With the luck of a friend, possibly boyfriend, Rene, she finds a job at a truckstop in Rapid City. Of course, Rene doesn't stick around long. He returns to the reservation for mysterious reason, or it might be the only place he knows.

While she's working at the truckstop. She meets Rick who's in an indie band.

I guess when you write a story, I try to stretch it as far as the reader might think it believable. I wanted the story to be a mystery about a girl who isn't sure how she got where she grew up. Yet in a sense its a very old story, too.

White children with Indians. Yet, this is a modern take on that tale.

CHAPTER NINE

I had my key and knew where the bus stop was. At least it was a chance to make my way on my own to the library. But then again, what was the point. A part of me felt I’d be let down. It had been a dead end about finding my mother. Besides, it was frigid out and I really wasn’t dressed for this weather. Maybe I could find GOODWILL instead. I did have a little money I could spend.

Of course, I didn’t have Rene’s bacon and eggs breakfast to get me started, but I did find a MacDonalds along the was for hot coffee and something on the dollar menu. Yet I felt every dime I spent would be one more cent I wished I’d kept in my pocket. I had to wonder how we got by as long as we did on the Rez.

There was always a pile of clothes to sift through. Hand me downs from others. There were things I’d worn that Chance’s mother had when she was growing up. At the moment, what I really needed was a good coat. I had to find a Good Will or Salvation Army to see if I could find something to keep me warm. I couldn’t just sit in that motel room waiting for Rene to show up.

It had only been a day since he went back, but it felt more like a week or a year to me. I needed something to keep me busy. Something to read. I knew I couldn’t get a library card. Where I lived was not exactly a home address. So I took the leziure of the morning to see what these thrift shops might have to offer. This way, I wasn’t counting on finding a miracle of some kind at the library.

If only Rene was with me, it would have been perfect, but as I took to looking through clothes and digging through shelves of ten cent books I found something to smile about. And I wasn’t breaking the bank, doing it.

I found a warm coat for twenty bucks. It was from Eddie Bauer. It had to be warm. And it was. It was brown with a furry hood. Perhaps it was a steal. The parka like coat wetn past my knees. It was thermal too. I went to look for thermal leggings. I found some gray ones for a quarter. I felt like I hit the jackpot. I found a couple of long sleeved shirts. They weren’t exactly my color, but then again, I wasn’t trying to be a fashionista, either.

“I thought that was you.” I heard someone say, but I didn’t pay them any mind as I was looking at cheap thrill reads in the book section. Finally, he touched my arm. I looked up. It was the guy from the band.

“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t remember his name.

“I was hoping to find the perfect shirt, you know.” He grinned as if he was getting ready for a big night.

“You should come to the concert.” His smile was open. It did sound fun, but I shook my head, no.

“I can’t. Gotta work.” I shrugged.

“Can’t you move your shift around, or something.” He winced as if there had to be a way for me to see his band.

“Don’t think so.” I picked up CATCHER IN THE RYE. Gold mine. “Sorry. I just started.”

“I see.” He saw what I had in my hands too. “One of my favorites.” His fingers touched mine. I backed away. Instantly.

“I have boyfriend.” I said so automatically. I supposed Rene was my boyfriend. I wanted what we had to be enough, but right now it really wasn’t. If I had his ring, or his necklace. Something.

“I have one too.” He was being cute. But I didn’t smile. I didn’t say anything. I slightly squinted wondering what he exactly meant. Did he mean boyfriend? I didn’t ask. I decided I had enough and went to the cashier.

Some older woman must have been buying clothes for an orphanage. It took forever for her items to be rung up. Before I knew it, the guy from the band was right behind me. He’d found what he was looking for. Some old T-shirt with a peace sign on it. He’d found a pair of old man’s pants and suspenders too.

“Did you need a lift?” He asked as I was getting ready to go out in the cold again.

“That’s all right.” I shook my head. I didn’t need to take up anymore of his time than I had. Maybe he was nice, but what if he wasn’t?

“The wind chill has to be below zero out there.” He looked at me as if I were crazy.

“It’ll get worse.” It was time to make my way to the library which was a block or so away. I could catch the bus there. It would be all good. I could take a nap before I went to work. Or just read. If only I could have found some yarn and crochet hooks, it would been even better, but I couldn’t complain. I left it at that, and was on my way.

The wind was bad. Tears were in my eyes suddenly as I made my way down the block. I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that the van was following me. I didn’t know what to think. I stopped at the stop light.

“Hey, its too cold for you to go anywhere.” He rolled his window down just to tell me this.

Maybe he was right. I opened up the passenger door and got in.

“Look, I’m not a psycho or anything.” He promised.

“All right.” But I kept my hand on the handle just in case I needed to jump out.

“So where is your boyfriend when you need him?” He wanted to know.

“He went back to the rez.” I shrugged.

“Reservation?” He winced then.

I nodded. But the way he looked at me it was as if I couldn’t be associated with anyone who lived there.

He asked me if I were hungry.

“I better get back.” I didn’t want anything from him. But I thanked him for the ride when he got me to the motel.

“Remember, I’m Rick.” His concern overwhelmed me a bit. I guess he really was a nice guy.

“Rick.” I nodded as if I’d remember. Maybe. “Thanks again, for the ride."

“Why don’t I give you my phone number? In case you need anything?” Rick smiled then.

“I don’t have a phone.” I shrugged back.

“You don’t have a phone?” He squinted hard as if I must be an idiot.

“Bye.” I waved, and turned to go. I was in the cold, after all.

nanowrite more days

2011-11-02T01:38:00.024-05:00

"A part of me felt foolish to be brave now. Wasn’t this what I wanted? Something simple and playful to call my own. Why did I need to dig into the past when I had everything I ever longed for, right in front of me."-Crystal Clear

Day 2 of the November novel write month..and I'm trying to devote the day to writing..if possible.

Of course, I think of this novel as a journey of some kind. Sometimes, its like a cleansing. Other times, I surprise myself.

Halloween came and went. I'm sort of in a fickle mood with Lars. Not that I'm mad at him. Its just, I dunno..everything he says makes me kind of mad..

It started with Dad. And then he takes Dad's side. How could he? Really? I'm trying to be calm about it, but what if November just isn't our month.

Even TOMS is getting in on this month, too.

Lars has decided to do Movember thanks to hairy Caleb. Since I'm writing a novel he's gonna try to a mountain man or ZZ tops with a new mustache.

ARRGH.....

All I need for the holidays. It doesn't feel like much of a holiday though. I know..get out this funk..start writing.

Just do it.

3361 words and counting....

P.s..its snowing! too....

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2011-10-31T01:41:00.025-05:00

How could I not be inspired by Guss Carr. Especially, living here in the heartland of the states. Of course, we need more movies with him.

But if I'm inspired by him, his character would have to be complex. Is he truly good? Or is he truly bad? Does he even know? Hopefully, and I think I will, have fun writing about a Native American character who looks a good bit like him.

If only I could actually produce pictures of the movie in my head. Oh well....

Nanowritemore is on my mind. Although, I want to stick with writing, not socializing at all these midnight gatherings about. Its funny how that works. So many e-mails from other writers doing this November novel thing. When do they find TIME to write?

And I've been told that Dad wants us to go with him to Arizona later this month..as if..doubt it, but still..like I need that on top of everything else in November.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Crackship Friday -I'm Running Back to You

2011-10-28T02:27:00.003-05:00

previously

If only Sebastian could wish them somewhere else. Preferably, somewhere soft and one could get a good nights sleep. Although, he'd seen Marnie's room already, and he knew it wasn't much with a thin bed and posters of indie bands she dreamed of seeing.

No, he braced himself for the worst. They were falling so quickly and he clinched his teeth, holding her close, hoping her powers kicked in. Now.

But he plunged to the ground first, and it was dark and dusty. She collapsed on top of him, startled by the dusty. He could barely see her.

"You have to make it light." He told her.

"Me? How?" She didn't move.

He cracked his bones into place.

"Just think OK. You have to imagine it." He sighed thinking she was possibly heavier than he realized.

There was light. Marnie smiled. She got off Sebastian and looked around the old brick room.

"What is this place?" She squinted walking toward a tunnell.

"Hey, don't go down there." He told her. "Its a well, what do you think?"

"I think that's not the whole truth." She looked back at him as he shook what dust he could from himself with a stomp but not quite a jig.

He held out his index finger to show her the grains of shiny dust. "See this?"

"Is that gold?" She winced.

"Sort of. Not exactly, to everyone. But to some, its better than gold." He almost smirked. "Its fairy dust."

"Fairy dust?" He knew by that look she didn't seem quite convinced.

"You made it where we could see where we were going, didn't you?" He reminded her.

"You could have done that." She looked at her hands, her arms. The fairy dust was all over her.

"But I didn't." He informed her then he was here to protect her. After all, he was the changling and she was the fairy.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-10-26T01:48:00.042-05:00

October has flown by so quickly. Its turned off cooler too. Winter can't be too far behind.

I got chased by a doberman on a walk. It was freaky. Thankfully he turned out nice. It was so funny his owner kept saying, "He's nice. He's nice." But it was scary and..very scary. Now I feel silly mentioning it. The doberman's owner was pretty cute, too. Amazingly, I noticed.

Well, we've gone to a haunted house that ended up fairly lame. As much as you spend on such things. I also wanted to get a slice of apple carmel pie, but they were out.

I didn't really like my dinner when we went out on Saturday night. The chef didn't like the look of the steak so I got hamburger which was pretty tasteless. But Lars got a fried cheese grilled sandwich and loved it.

My cat got into the catnip and kind of went crazy. We have some in the back yard and Dad brought it in. He put in on the kitchen counter. Next thing we know, its gone and the cat is in the floor on his back tripping or something. That's about as exciting as its gotten.

Lars and watched HOWLING REBORN which we had a good laugh at. A movie that went straight to video. I dunno. Usually, I like werewolf films, but this one was ..I have no idea where it was actually going. I reviewed it at Ivy's Closet.

Still find myself thinking about the nanowritemore challenge. Wondering if I can possibly do it. Should I even try with everything going on at work. I am pretty peeved with my supervisor at the moment who neglected to tell me anything going on. I think she enjoys making you feel like an imbecile.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

National Novel Writing Month

2011-10-24T02:30:00.046-05:00

Its almost here! Somehow I managed to get my quota of words in last year before the month of was up(50,000). Just not sure how I can manage it this November. But it is a way to entertain myself if nothing else. It is an awful lot for a friend to read after you've written over 50 thousand words.

Last years story was in third person, based on a character I write about in my story blog. However, this year I've decided to think of someone in first person that I haven't actually written about. I have Jillian Rose Reed for inspiration. My friend writes a character inspired by her at Lucy & Sarah. The character's name is Sage. This character Crystal will be a little bit like her. After seeing and listening to Jillian's music..it was more inspiring of someone who wants to be a rocker. But who knows where the story will go.

She's not your beautiful warrior girl, yet spunky and perhaps I have more in common with. This year's story will be in first person.

Oddly, I was writing a first person story while I was writing the other novel (Going through changes), last year, and I felt so much more comfortable with the first person story, wishing I could have started over with the other storyline...but..I kept challenging myself, and wanted to see the original story through.

This will mean no TV. No extra fun. Yet, this is fun to me. Writing. If only, I could get those descriptions in more, but its the dialogue and plot that I love.

Its getting cold, anyway. Although, there is Lars to worry about. Its not like he'd try to keep me from doing something I enjoy. Saying that, I had boyfriend in the past who didn't want me writing. Thinking I was pretty dumb, all around. Maybe I am.

Sometimes, I do bring out the worst in friends. Yet, I feel none of my friends know nothing about me. Honestly, it is hard to be the person they want me to be, sometimes. So maybe its just suppose to be this way.

Still, I haven't put too much thought in the storyline. Only 8 days away before the writing begins.

NANO WRITE MORE!

Crackship Friday -I'm Running Back to You

2011-10-21T01:44:00.034-05:00

previously

"What are you trying to tell me?" Marnie looked at Sebastian horrified. She was just an ordinary girl. There was nothing special about her. She couldn't even get along with her Mom. "One of us has to be crazy." She glared at him. "And it has to be you."

She hugged herself tight as they stood in the twilight. There was an October chill in the air. The cold, so sudden. Maybe she was coming down with something.

"Look, I'm here for you. It was meant to be. I know things aren't perfect. But its not your fault." He was serious as he grabbed her shoulders. "Its the forces out there, you see. They don't want you to have any power. When they can, they fool you. Marnie, you have to listen to me. We need to be together on this."

"For what?" She still didn't see what he was getting at.

He grabbed her hand. She saw how the old school house was starting an irry glow. As if it was not of this world, after all. She wanted to believe it was all a bad dream and she could wake up.

"Hurry!" They ran toward the old well. She looked back at the old school house, it was busting open. The light illuminating. Marnie's mouth gaping. She'd never seen anything like it before.

Sebastian grabbed her and down they went into the darkness of the well.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-10-19T02:20:00.047-05:00

OK, I thought I'd hate it...but...I LOVED FOOTLOOSE. & its all because they found the perfect Willard. Miles Teller was a blast in his part. And Kenny & Julieanne did their own dancing. It was updated just right. So I think they did the movie proud.

ITS FALL..that means a FREEZE is on its way. So, we had to pick all the basil and the tomatoes. It was pretty nippy out there in the garden, but we gotter done. And we made yummy pesto!

Wow, its amazing ..the sudden temperature drop. But, good snuggling and sleeping weather. We have been going bed earlier. Partly, to keep each other warm. Maybe....

Anyway, I have to find all my favorite sweaters now. But its like making more of a mess. I need to get summer stuff put away for good now. I need to devote a whole weekend to that, but I'm not sure I'm going to get too. I did find my SO SLEEPY shirt. Too bad its a tank. I was wondering where that got off too.

We are gonna celebrate Dad's birthday this week. Hopefully, we'll see some old friends this weekend. Its been ages since Lar's seen any of his family. He has some baby half-brothers who'd love to see him. Well, they aren't babies anymore. They are in middle school now. He's got family all over the place..except ..not so much here. He hasn't spoken to his Mom in a very long time. And, his grand-dad has moved to Florida. I think he's OK here. He'd never say. Actually. Its hard to know if he's depressed because, he tends to smile at everything. He finds my Dad a riot. Even when he's mad. Of course, my Dad has never gotten mad at Lars. I don't think my Mom would let him.

Dad and I still don't see eye to eye on everything. But we are getting better.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2011-10-17T01:56:00.027-05:00

STORYLINE: Keira Knightly's Mattie met Simone (Clemency Posey) at fashion design school. Both were aspiring designers. The movie is about their ups and downs, struggles and finding just how much they need each other along the way, even if its a rather love hate relationship they have going.

REVIEW: Where BLACK SWAN wouldn't go, this story does. Its a love story. Mix in eye-candy and a few conflicts with Max Irons and Shiloh Fernandez and there just might be a story worth getting to the end too.

Really, Keira and Clemency, together, in a real woman's movie.

Crackship Friday -I'm Running Back to You

2011-10-14T01:35:00.049-05:00

previously

Marnie was trembling. Seeing Sebastian, was like seeing a ghost. She didn't know what to believe now. His car burned up. That night. How could this be? Everyone thought he was dead. Which actually put everyone at peace. No one talked about Sebastian.

Her face turned to sorrow. She thought of those moments when she'd felt so lost. Dealing with a silent pain she couldn't even share. Even worse, never having a chance to see him again. Wishing she spent more time with him, knowing him..wanting him.

Here he was. It didn't seem real. A chill swept through her.

"I'm sorry," He said now. His hands reached for hers as they stood outside the old school house that everyone said was haunted. Why, he chose here? She didn't know, other than the fact the school wasn't too far from her grandmother's farm house.

But they were alone in the setting sunset.

Instantly, she felt calm. How did he do it?

"The fire was my fault." He confessed. "I didn't know I had that kind of energy, but..but I'm better now."

Marnie still wanted to believe the fire at the dance was an accident. It happened well over a year ago. She shook her head, no.

"I'm trying..to control it..and I can." He was serious.

"OK." Marnie stared at him intently. "What are you?" She wanted to know. She wanted to know Sebastian. She did. She'd always been intrigued with his words, even more so ...with his smile and those eyes. Marnie had missed him. If only she could hold him, know him completely. But what if she shouldn't? As it was, she couldn't take her eyes off him.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-10-12T01:35:00.075-05:00

What can I say about this week? No snow yet. Feels like late summer..still. I'm ready for cooler weather. Actually. Out west, it was on fire. Probably not as bad as the state of Texas. My grandparents called to say it rained six inches in one night. Its been very dry there, which might be an understatement.

Work has been so..so...

My Mom has been under the weather. She has to be restricted from no corn syrup, no sugar, no potatoes, no rice, no bread. Seriously, its made a world of difference in her blood sugar. Lars and me are on board about changing our eating habits. Unfortunately, Dad's not. Sometimes, I wonder if its his fault that Mom is sick because she has to make everything the way he wants.

Hopefully, I'll see my friend who lives out of town this weekend. I haven't seen her in a few weeks. But she might be busy. She tends to be busy with family when she comes home.

We did go out for Chinese with a co-worker for his birthday. He gives the tightest hugs. I will say, I thought I was going to lose my breath. I was shocked I'd get that big of hug..which felt more like he felt me up..I will confess. And Lars was right there. I know, I'm possibly making waaay too much about it. All I can say, I have more boobs than the co-worker's girlfriend.

wishful thinking from anthropolgie

OH I DID MEET THE MOST UNUSUAL WOMAN....

The people they let come to the library. Later, I found out she's in treatment for something. But I didn't know that..then. She told me she was 50 but she was sure she didn't look it. I wanted to tell her she looked older, but I didn't. She started telling me Obama was coming to see her. Next thing I know she's yelling..I'M GOING DIE SOME DAY...She then told me she was a millionaire. But she didn't have any ID on her so I couldn't get her a library card. It was a very interesting Saturday. But I did my best to keep her calm.

I think I could make this out of one of my Dad's sweaters...

OTHER NEWS

My brother had a birthday. He found a car. It looks like something he'd drive. Sporty. We went to the Texas Roadhouse. Some waitress kept talking to him. Dancing around him. We thought she was going to leave with him, but she didn't. Naturally, Mom asked him about the last waitress at the Roadhouse who had wanted to go out with him. He said that had already happened and was ...over.

So as it is..the leaves are falling, just a bit of crisp air. Kids still playing football in the street and its sunny.

I did watch MTV's DISconnected. I have mixed feelings about it. It was a lot like CHATROOM, but I did like how chatroom, created this cool environment. And of course, there was no Aaron Johnson type in this movie. Most hadn't acted much. I was glad Jordon Calloway had a chance to show his acting skills in the film. He comes off as just one of those people who loves an audience, but then you learn whats really going on his life. The film showed different scenarios of how we react through the media. Like this one chick, Maria, goes off the deep end when her boyfriend won't text her back. Then it shows the reverse of how the media brings out an entire different persona in this one guy who gets bullied at school, yet he is a bit of a bully with people in his network..all over music. And this girl exposes over the internet because she's obsessed with this guy. It was good there was a discussion about digital mayhem after the movie.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2011-10-10T01:01:00.005-05:00

storyline: Ben Barnes is Owen, and a far cry from Mr. Darcy, who he works for. He's house-sitting while his boss is a way on vacation. For the first time Owen has a home of his own. Not a little room where his studio exist in an old brownstone. Will he let the wonders of money go to his head? It doesn't help when he can suddenly have all the girls after Mr. Darcy..over. Especially, when he's been pining for the nerdy girl at work all this time.

Felicity & Ben

REVIEW: True, I've seen this premise done many a time. But Ben has a way of keeping a sincerity to it, that most actors don't have. Its fun to see him in a suspenseful romp without becoming a complete dandy scamp in the process. This movie also stars Felicity Jones and Imogen Poots.
Special thanks! Vodka Veritas

Crackship Friday -I'm Running Back to You

2011-10-07T01:15:00.058-05:00

previously

Sebastian James watched the blond girl weave in and out of the cosmetic isle at Wal-Mart. He kept his distance. Didn't want to interrupt anything. He should have known he would have found Marnie trying on lip gloss. Not that she'd admit just how much lippy she might carry at one time in that shoulder bag of hers. But then again, she always looked like a girl on the run.

Sebastian smiled to himself. He liked that about her. Or was it because of him that made her that way? He didn't want to dwell on it. He knew it was best to leave her out of the mess he was in. But he couldn't help to come back to her. It was a desire he couldn't ignore. It was just..could he tell her everything?

He knew he should wait outside for her, but couldn't. He needed to see her face. See if there were any damage from before. Sebastian tried not to think of the fire or the past. Yet, he needed her help. Or did he just need a home?

Sebastian edged the corner. Marnie was on the move again. She went to look at electronics. He saw how she gazed over the new phones. The laptops. What was she really doing here?

Just then he saw her with the old woman with the cart. Grocery shopping, after all. He slipped behind Marnie as if this was as good of time as any. Possibly, she wouldn't make a scene here.

"Don't I know you?" He turned on the charm. Sebastian smiled at her grandmother then.

"Sebastian?" Marnie looked over at him, shocked.

"Yes, you remember." He didn't want to talk about it. Perhaps, sound like that guy she saw that one time at the record store after meeting in a chatroom. Just a friend, now wasn't he? Sebastian could make something up. Maybe.

Marnie stared at him as if she'd seen a ghost.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" His smile was quick. He shook her grandmother's hand. Still Marnie didn't say much. Honestly, Sebastian was a little hurt. Her grandmother was much more generous with her time than Marnie.

"I guess I'll see you around." He walked away as if he could careless too.

"Wait." Marnie told her grandmother that she needed to talk to Sebastian. "I'm sure he can drive me home."

Sebastian couldn't help but let a smile slip. Yes, they had a lot catching up to do.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-10-05T01:34:00.060-05:00

WARNING TMI...

I just have to say, shower moments might not be as cool as they are... as in 500 Days of Summer. Especially, when all you get is water in your eyes.

Mom and I were talking about music for make out moments. I know, no one but my mom would discuss this. She's kind of a quirky romantic or should have been Anna Faris' mother. Her favorite bands are....

1. ELO (a firm believer still in this band to make the moment happen)
2. Steve Miller (preferable abracadrabra as some music history for my Mom & Dad)
3. Bee Gees (Jive talking does something for my Mom, evidently)
(They both have a thing for Adam Ant. My dad is fond of DEVO)
So..I had to think about this..for some time. Too much time..perhaps. But at the moment..

1. Freelance Whales (The first 3 songs on Weathervane does it for me)
2. Seawolf (I'm a wolf)
3. Pet-shop Boys (who would have thunk it)
(Lars said I had to guess. But this is the guy who wore Insane Clown Posse make up in middle school and used to love KORN concerts. I'm still guessing) Going with THE SMITHS..at the moment..

Or..something new and very indie..like Telekinesis' I saw lightening

MOVING ON AS TO NOT DWELL...

My brother is hopefully getting a newer car. Dad might be pissed if he uses the money he loaned him.. for something else. Caleb has been getting lots of hours of work. Work. Work..work..I have to remember to be happy about that. For all of us.

I found out that my cousin's husband got caught by the cops through Facebook. I am beginning to wonder if she likes him in jail, or something. He's spent a majority of it in jail during their first year of marriage. Still they have an adorable baby. Freaky thing is, this has to do with child support. But I don't get how being in jail can help one who needs to work to pay child support.

Still apple season here. Yum! I did find out my closest friend does not eat raisins. My other friend is strictly vegan but won't eat avocados or mushrooms. TWO things I'd live on if I were vegan. Not that I eat that much meat. Like my one friend who's Mom is on a diet where they both eat only meat and cheese. Her mom has lost 13 or 33 pounds. I'm not sure which it is.

I have been playing around with making cookie bars.

a. I hate to wait for cookies in the oven. (I tend to burn things)
b. its fun to make it like a pizza.
c. Lars needs snacks when he works.

The apple & raisin bars were the best! The chocolate chip ones with coconut were sticky. I gave them to the birds. I don't want Lars to be the trash compactor that my Dad is. He will still eat all my Mom's leftovers at a restaurant.

apple raisin bars

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups packed light-brown sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter or margarine, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups diced Golden Delicious apple
3/4 cup raisins

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees F. Liberally coat a 13 x 9 x 2-inch baking pan with nonstick cooking spray; set aside.
2. In a medium-size bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, cinnamon and salt; set aside.
3. In a large bowl, with an electric mixer on medium speed, blend together sugar, eggs, butter and vanilla for 3 minutes or until smooth.
4. Reduce speed to low and gradually add flour mixture; mix for 2 minutes or until just incorporated. Stir in diced apples and raisins and spread into prepared pan.
5. Bake at 350 degrees F for 35 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool completely before cutting into bars and serving.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2011-10-03T01:59:00.008-05:00

STORYLINE: Tyler Hoechlin's Josh finds himself the outsider where he works. Perhaps, this place is a cover for something else. He starts to think he's seeing things. Although, it seems quite real, the strange happenings at work with people who should not be there. Is it drugs? Human trafficing? Shouldn't he report it? Or will he become one of them?

Review: Tyler's never looked sexier. Especially, without that suit. He's showing he can take the lead in anything he does. Rachel Bilson shines as the undercover cop, who might have gone too far undercover. More sassy than usual, but enough to give a fine chemistry between she and Tyler.

Can they trust each other? Can she possibly be the one to save him?

And to think he was almost Edward in Twilight. This always fascinates me.

hey there

2011-10-01T01:49:00.004-05:00

Its the start of the holidays. Sort of. So much to look forward too. You just hope you have time to enjoy all of it. First Halloween, then Thanksgiving and then the religious holidays.

I dunno what my goals would be for this month.

1. get my Christmas gifts done. I've started on a few crochet projects. I lucked out (kind of). A neighbor knew I liked to crochet so she gave me a huge sack of 'yarn. And its pretty yarn. Dad's not so nice about it though. Lars was happy for me because he knows I'll use it. Of course, I won't be making any far out crochet hats. Maybe someday. At the moment working on slouchy hats and cowl collars.

something of this nature

2. not want so much for Christmas this year. Just be happy to be around friends and family.

3. I think most of the gift giving will be handmade stuff.

Something else to keep me busy this month. Writing. My crackship fic this month is this:

click HERE

Is it the beginning or the end for Jules and Jonah

The Zombie Out-reach

Crackship Friday -I'm Running Back to You

2011-09-30T01:46:00.140-05:00

ego-centrik

Its almost October. Time to start some scary stories. Hopefully. First, I needed to find a worth crackship for inspiration. And I think I have. I do love Brit Robertson in Secret Circle. Also, can't get enough of Benjamin Stone. I hope this guy gets more film and TV.

I was never quite what my mother expected. If I were, I'd be home right now with my old friends thinking how we'd spend our senior year.

Instead, I'd moved in with my grandmother in the middle of nowhere in the hill country. We lived six miles out of town. There was a lot of talk about the things that happened six miles out of town. There was an old school house, not far down the road where people swore was haunted. I got a lot of grief at school living out on School House road. You'd thought I was a freak'n ghost by the way they talked.

It wasn't like I wanted any new friends. I'd lost my old ones, all because of a guy named Sebastian. Who was an outsider too. He didn't talk like the kids where I grew up. He might have been bad, but I always thought Sebastian had it bad. Wasn't like I was his girlfriend. He found plenty of those when he came to our small town. It was just those popular girls turned out to be the mean girls. And when they had their fun with him, they really turned him into an outsider. All over a stolen diamond necklace.

I guess that's when we started to talk. He told me what they'd done to him at a private school. There was nothing private about it. It was a bad place. I couldn't imagine living under those conditions. He was cool enough. Possibly, good for nothing. Well, that's what the teachers would say.

But I listened. I watched how his face would change when he'd tell me about this horrible place. The beatings, going hungry. Living in the extremes. "It was like they were getting me ready for something, you know." He'd said once all serious when we stayed behind in the dark empty auditorium.

"Like what?" I wanted to know even if everyone told me he was just a liar. A poor rich kid with no place to go.

"I dunno." I could see in his eyes, he was lost, or something was taken from him. I just couldn't imagine what. But we were friends. I think. Maybe we could have been more if..if he'd stayed.

I went to the homecoming dance with him. Against, my mother's wishes, of course. I really wished she wouldn't listen to those stories about him. How he was a thief. How he'd been in jail before. He was only 16. She believed he was in a gang of some kind.

You would have thought I was doomed, going to that dance with Sebastian. Why do people have to be like that? This negative energy, all around. Maybe that's why the fire started in the gym that night.

We left soon enough. We survived. Can't say everyone did. We were the only two unscathed. I know we should have gone back, but it was just too late. I hate that now, thinking of the blaze in the total darkness. It was a bad night. We were lucky to get out, ourselves.

"Do you have powers?" I asked that night when we peeled out of the school parking lot in his old black Mustang.

"Do you?" I still remember his sly smile. I shook my had, wondering if it was a good idea to even be with him. He was fierce behind the wheel. We fleeted into the darkness as if there was no other alternative.

But I knew why. I knew he thought he was the blame. Who else but Sebastian would do it?

I knew they were idiots at school. Listening to what the mean girls said. How he wasn't to be trusted. The evil he was capable of.

"Who has candles at a dance?" I thought I mentioned, but he was driving so erratic. "Its not your fault!"

But he wasn't listening. The car went faster. My body sank into the seat as he edged sharp corners. It was as if I were woozy from the velocity of the car. Finally, the highest hill on the horizon.

The road curved where the distant city lights shined.

"What are you doing?" I looked over to him.

"Jump!"

"NO." But it wasn't like I had a choice. It was as if he willed me out of the car. The force flung me out. I rolled down the steep incline. Next thing I knew, a fireball emerged from the car.

zombie blogger walk

2011-09-29T00:28:00.001-05:00

Don't be surprised if you see some Zombies around blogs this Friday, Sept. 30th. This is Sharon Day's effort to bring in October with..of course..zombies. She is an author you can find on Kindle and Nook.

You find this on Kindle and Nook.

"I'm a psychic, horror writer, paranormal investigator and author of the popular blog "Ghost Hunting Theories." It all began growing up in a manor home in Virginia that was used as a field hospital by both the North and South during the Civil War. I never stopped asking questions about the paranormal and seeking answers." She says about her passion for writing.

Here is more information about Zombie Blogger Walk.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-09-28T01:04:00.078-05:00

My brother's back is still out of whack. Seriously, he looks like he might be crippled when he walks. Once again, he has to use the car. His is not stirring right. Usually, he and Lars go together to work, but he needs it a couple of nights.

I keep wondering if it would be like this if my brother and his girlfriend were still together. He's called, left texts. Nothing from her. I did see her sister other day with a new Goth guy. I haven't seen her that happy in a long time. But as long as Missy is in control, well..nothing is gonna change her world. But she didn't mention her sister, and I didn't ask. Missy and I are at least speaking to each other now. It wasn't always like that.

Still lov'n MTV's AWKWARD

I guess it started when I was hanging out with her boyfriend. We had classes together. He was kind of weird. Well, it would be freaky that he knew what kind of undies I wore, since he was the kind of guy who liked to go undie shopping. Undie shopping with me. He could talk nonstop about girls. Guess, thats why it never worked out with us. I knew him too well. He knew me too well. Then he was dating Missy. And she hated me.

The last time we spoke, he told me I looked pregnant. Then he ran-away. Not very far. But his Mom thought he was with me. It was a big misunderstanding. He just didn't want to choose the life his parents wanted. So he came back and Missy was history. Then his new girlfriend got pregnant. They haven't had an easy time. And I haven't seen him in forever. But he's the guy that kept Missy and me from being friends..I guess.

Its just so different now. I think of the holidays with my brother and his girlfriend together. We liked to go places. Out to eat. Parties. I hope she's doing OK..but she won't speak to me, either.

Work has been OK. I guess. Although, I feel sometimes, my boss puts us on hold for a lot of things. Then comes back to make you feel you should already know this. I guess her boss is giving her grief. A vicious circle.

I did read in the paper the BEAST(my aspy friend) lost his job at Borders. I haven't seen him around lately. The weather has been beautiful. I've taken a few walks..listening to Barnacle Warship by Johnny Flynn on repeat. It just gives me a bit of a kick in my step. I guess. Lars and I walked down to the baseball field. I dunno who was even playing. But it was nice.

The first part really got to me..over population of the world..how they had to hide their little girl.

zoe plays with dinos while matti & josh get used to going back in time.

We watched Terra Nova Monday night. Lars has already labeled it stupid. He might be right. Its a sci-fi story sort of Jurassic Park meets Avatar. The thing is..they are the future that goes back in time 85 million years..don't they remember the Apocalypse coming that wipes out the dinosaurs? Its not Firefly..which I so loved. Unfortunately, Landon Liboiron sticks out like a sore thumb. He's the white kid in the family of 3 kids. Too bad Avan Jogia didn't get his part.

He would have been a better fit..& hey, he could have his shirt off all the time on the show.

And Josh is a whiny teenager on top of that. But its good to see Landon in more than just Degrassi.

What I have been watching that I love is BEING HUMAN, the American version. Which is a lot like the UK version. Even the sets. I must say I love Sam Huntington as the werewolf. I didn't find Whitney on NBC all that funny, nor UP ALL NIGHT.

I know I should go to sleep. Someone is already snoring. But not too bad.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2011-09-26T03:10:00.030-05:00

STORYLINE: Mal (Sam Huntington) notices some strange happenings at the hospital. Charts are saying one thing about patients when its evidently not true. Unbelievable seizures that leave people without memories. Possibly, not even human. What's happening? Mal wants to know, but he soon finds his job at the Emergency room is threatened. But he has to know what is going on. Is there something sinister happening? Perhaps a government plot? Everyone might be susceptible to the virus.

REVIEW: Sam Huntington stars with Diane Agron in a thriller. They work at the hospital. She's a nurse and he works on the floor in the Emergency room. Huntington's character stars seeing some really wild things, and its not because of a full moon. What starts as a tease, is soon intensely serious. With the help Argon's Lucy, the two find themselves on the run. But they might be able to help patients. Especially, if they would only stop eating meat.

Huntington is always at his best in a thriller. Agron needs more films like this.

Crackship Friday - Monica and Jared

2011-09-23T02:01:00.026-05:00

Jared couldn't resist it any longer. He'd watched Monica sleep enough. He brought her tea in bed.

"What time is it?" She was barely awake.

"Dunno, maybe 7:30." He'd been up for hours. He'd even done some work, which meant charting someone's habits which was rather boring, but he wouldn't get into it with Monica. After all, the lab was in the basement, and it was something he didn't really want to involve Monica.

"7:30?" She squinted sleep from her eyes, but she took the tea as if she might have been malnourished, already. "How long have you been up?"

"Since 4." He did have a schedule. Although, he didn't really discuss it. He was only following directions.

"4 in the morning? Are you kidding me?" She told him she didn't know. She thought he was still asleep next to her.

"You were very tired." Jet lagged. Was that it?

"I guess." She drank more tea.

Jared got up. "Well, you can sleep more if you wish."

"What are you going to do?" She put the tea down and got up.

"Eat cereal." He shrugged. He's already drank a pot of tea. Perhaps coffee was in order. Honestly, he could have crawled back in bed and went right to sleep, but he needed to check on the progress, down below. But there she went to the bathroom.

He felt a smile deep inside, like a bubble ready to pop. "But first a shower, with you." That seemed important, suddenly. She definitely had a way of making him forget why he was here.

wee bit of wednesday with ellie

2011-09-21T01:19:00.049-05:00

It rained most of Sunday. Such a chill in the air. Great snuggling weather.

OK, I'll admit it. I do like when Lars leaves me notes and his little doodles of hearts. He got the car Saturday, and I got to sleep in since it was a fine mist out. It was nice to find his note. It made me smile. Something simple as that.

I did help my friend move in to her apartment. She's so organized. But then again, she's been packing for like months now. She finally got the lease. This is her first place. This meant, she repainted her furniture, weeks before. I had no idea she was into Shabby Chic so much.

Finally finished the MisFits. Then I watched a few clips of Robert Sheehan in an Irish show Love/Hate. It was a really serious role for him. Straight hair too. Still, it was so hard to take him serious..since he'll always be Nathan on MisFits to me. I suppose he's afraid he'll get type-cast..as to why he didn't return to MisFits. Still, he was great fun to watch in Cherry Bomb with Rupert Grint.

If only I were in Ireland to see him on stage in Playboy of the Western World

I suppose things are OK at work. Although, we are short-handed. I did get a call from a friend who had to work the weekend, to tell me all the woes at work. I just had to keep smiling, hoping things will get better...soon.

I gotta new clock. Cheap and runs on a battery. Still the ticking drives me crazy at night. I think Lars could sleep through anything. Sunday morning I was awoke at 4 or so to a cat fight that I'm pretty sure was right under our window. Last year, I was furious. Ran downstairs and jerked the basement door open, just to see this huge black can showing me his fangs. I didn't feel much like doing that this time. Besides, it was all warm and toasty in bed. As of yet, Dad probably won't put the heat on ...until..maybe..just maybe November. Which, I don't think Lar's would want the heat on, either.

MY MOVIE MONDAY

2011-09-19T01:33:00.039-05:00

STORYLINE: Rachel (Emily Osment) needed a job, but all she could find was a job at the Mystery Manner. Halloween is just around the corner. Little did she know about the paranormal activities that went on there. And she had no idea that someone (Kyle Gallner) actually lived in the haunted house, too. This college girl is in for a ghost story with the help of Josh. But will they ever get out of the haunted house that so many come to visit for a Halloween treat? Or will they be part of the show? There are real ghosts. Rachel is sure of it, now.

REVIEW: Who better than to show his dark side? Kyle Gallner. Emily Osment holds her own, as well. Her Rachel might be stronger than she knows. Kyle is definitely great at suspense and even horror. Together, they are definitely worth watching.

Crackship Friday - Monica and Jared

2011-09-16T01:58:00.060-05:00

Monica was wondering when her life would fast forward. Would it ever happen? Would Jared and she ever catch that plane and be off to where ever for this little paid internship of his?

They muttled through introductions with her dad. In fact, she laid down the law to her father about Jared.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Her father's question still woke her up as she dizzily went on with her life.

"Yes, of course." She remembered very vividly as if she were rather livid then. Now, it was a strange new world past the hustle of lives at the air port. After all, she was the one who drove them in the jeep into the bed of the forest and further...to the deep sea of grass.

There it was a little cabin on the prairie.

"They say they have the INTERNET." Jared looked at her as if all was not lost. Of course, the reception vanished on her cell phone, 50 miles back.

It was beautiful and worrisome at the same time. Suddenly, she wasn't so sure what she believe as her eyes took in the place. So rustic in the vast surrounding. Was it completely safe? What would they do if intruders were about? Could Jared alone save them? Could anyone?

They unpacked quickly. Monica pulled her hair back to get to work. Although, she felt frighteningly numb.

"You like it?" She could see Jared was ecstatic about the surroundings. It was like letting a captured animal go back to his natural habitat while she alone felt she might be sick. What if she couldn't do this? She looked away. How could her dad have wished them well, so they could be on their way? Why didn't he tell her to stay home? Stay put.

Gravity might as well have let her float away into the night sky. She didn't want to be sad, but she was. Her body wobbled, unsure what to think nor how to act. She sat on the squeaky bed. Her eyes squinted hard. This was no time to be a baby, about this now. She knew. It was just trying to get her wits about her. It was baffling and possibly surreal.

"What is it?" He looked at her. Finally taking both her hands and pulling her back to reality. "You don't know how amazing it is, that you came." He hugged her close. "Otherwise, I'd have no one to talk to."

She breathed. Yes, she was breathing. His warmth made her see that she had to be here. She had to be.